Self

I feel lousy about myself,

whatever has happened yesterday.

Everything went wrong,

the payment, my health, my mental turmoil.

I do not like it when I am not able,

to be more assertive to make good decisions,

and take good care of myself.

I do not like it when I softened,

at the whims of others,

and forget about myself.

CS told me that,

I have to make decisions and stay with it,

instead of going to and fro endlessly.

Yes, I should.

The mind is overestimating,

the endurance level of the body.

The body is beginning to feel the drain.

I want to take good care of my body,

for what's once gone, will forever be gone.

I want to be stronger,

mentally and physically.

I want to make decisions,

and go ahead with it.

I want to not feel bad,

about thinking of myself before others,

for it will not directly affect those others anyway.

You should take good care of yourself,

you know?

If you don't look after yourself,

no one else is able to do that for you.

Be good to yourself.

不离不弃

给你。

最终

我祈祷，

你的努力不会触礁，

你的一切会越来越好。

犹如雨后的彩虹，

在风雨中努力挣扎后，

悬挂空中。

然后一起踏上彩虹，

寻觅虹彩另一端，

美丽的梦。

骤然明白

最近一直在想，

真得很可能会发生的未来。

然后感到有些舍不得，

过了将近二十八年的现在。

不足

忽然觉得很累

阶段

我很幸运，我有你。

尽管最近，

常感到莫名怀疑恐惧。

从不觉得自己，

可能会有天步入自己的婚礼，

所以也就不曾有过如此思绪。

我仿佛害怕失去自己，

所以时不时抗拒逃避。

然而我有你。

你说要一起面对问题，

你说不要畏惧。

于是我学习，

放下刺猬的皮，继续走下去。

因为有你，

即使对未知充满恐惧，

我知道这会是段幸福之旅。

Unload

It was a very horrible experience.

I was feeling very weak & feverish.

The lack of voice did not help.

And I was super pissed off.

Then I just released my grip.

It helped.

Then it was over.

Now I am still feeling weak,

and the throat is still hurting.

I have slept for like almost 12 hours,

and I feel like I should be sleeping forever.

I never ever wanted to do this again.

I feel sad every time,

I think about how I was spending,

more than 12 hours a day on this,

stupid thingy to boost someone else's face & ego.

And I was not doing my job,

the job my title requires of me.

My REAL job.

Someone from the top,

should seriously look into this.

You are chasing away a lot of,

very good people who are good at their job.

Do not corporatise this job.

Yes, we can multi-task,

but please, take a real hard look,

at the nature of our job.

One person can only have 24-hr.

If we spend 12-hr doing such shitty stuff,

then tell me, where on earth do we find time,

for our REAL job?

Stop talking about big ideas, pedagogies and methodologies,

when everything is actually just for show.

Give us time to do it.

Eating into our rest time / lunch break,

will only make us do it,

for you to see.

You should see,

so many of us are really keen to do well,

at our REAL job.

We hope to spend more time,

thinking for the big bunch of little people,

we really care for.

Give us time to do our job well.

Yes, I am glad it is over.

But at the back of my mind,

I feel there will be another deja vu.

I am happy for A,

it was her last day yesterday.

AG & Zee shares similar sentiments.

And I'm sure it's not just us.

I hope someone will really do something about it.

Look at the developed countries,

look at their systems.

I seriously do not think,

we are going towards the right way.

When you demand everything,

you will have a bit of everything,

and ending up,

with nothing at all.

Dear God

I pray for a smooth week.

For guidance & patience,

when the unexpected comes.

For peace within,

when chaos without.

For those who bo-chap,

to start doing what they are supposed to do,

to play their part for I am not Superwoman.

Dear God,

please be with me,

for the rest of the week.

Severely burnt

Tired

when you woke up in the morning

able to feel neither soul nor energy

is an understatement.

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