Tuesday, September 01, 2009

感谢

8月31日2009年。

早上起来,
不再有前两年的兴奋,
仿佛少了某种热忱,却多了一点平静。

今年,
感觉过心寒,
经历过无力和生气,
然后释怀、麻木,却又不想放弃。

付出了更多的精力,
去处理一群非常早熟,
或是迷惑、畏惧、被欺,
或是顽劣、欺善、无理的小顽皮。

当然,
那不是我唯一的一班。

仍是有另一群比较乖巧,
令人心动的孩子,
让人期待每一天的见面。

今年的人数少,
不觉得会“大包小包”,
反而感觉轻松,更期待今天的假期。

然而,
仍是被感动了。

原来那心力交瘁,
能换来一些懂事,一些感激。

更欣慰的是,
许多几年前的学生,如今都进了名校,
却仍回来探访,献上真心感激和礼物。

It makes me feel that these 3 years,
despite the ups-and-downs,
I must have done something right.

所以三年,并非空白,
尽管感觉似乎已被淘空。

你们感谢我,
在你们生命里留下痕迹;
我却更要感谢你们,
让我更明白这三年的意义。

不管会不会继续下去,
再次被填满的心,
能让自己更有力气。

这份职业其实需要很多鼓励和感激。

我不知道其他国家是如何,
但是新加坡的老师真的当得很不容易。

请不要再以为,
老师们是一放学就等于下班。

请不要再以为,
当老师钱赚得很多,而且很容易。

除了一堆的作业,
不论在办公室或家里都要猛改死改外,

老师也是保姆,
随时随地都得看着学生,
寸步不能离。

老师也是拉拉队长,
有时喊破了喉咙,
却敌不过那股令人心寒的意兴阑珊。

老师更是全职活动策划者(events planner),
一整天可以在学校忙进忙出,
却不只在忙学习上的事。

在新加坡,老师是全能的。

老师们还必须做许多琐琐碎碎、耗时,
外人却又不晓得的事情。

在那么多的乱七八糟中,
老师难免容易感到疲惫无力。

然后会有几种情况发生。

如果仍有热忱,就会继续努力。

如果已死心,却需要这份收入,
就会催眠自己麻木。

如果还年轻,可以重新再来,
就会另谋高就。

不然就渐渐地,缓缓地,
五年... 十年... 二十年。

如果你曾有过一位很好的老师,
不论哪是多久以前的事,

请你一定要告诉他/她,
他/她所作的一切并非枉然。

请你一定要提醒他/她,
至今仍影响着你的教导和那份爱。

因为疲惫会让人忘记,
这一切的意义。



Sunday, August 30, 2009

五月天!





最重要的小事

昨日,
最重要的小事。

到室内体育场,
与五月天一起创造 DNA,
狂欢、呐喊、活爽。

尽管一开始,
觉得位子真的很糟糕,
唯一的优点就如 RY 的朋友所说,
靠近厕所。

但是演唱会一开始,
我们都不顾保安人员的阻止涌上前去,
让自己 $178+$3 的付出得到回馈。

然后一整晚,
就站着、跳着、摆动着、呐喊着。

尽管除了位子外,
音响也很糟,
五月天唱到下半场,
好像都已经露出疲惫了。

这样真得很不公平,
因为我们是买预购的票哦,
而且一直以为只会有一场,
如今变成我们是第二场,
让五月天在第一场就把精力消耗得七七八八了。

但是但是,
我刚才有讲“尽管”。

昨晚的高潮,
就是五月天所答应大家,
要给昨晚的50名幸运观众能在,
演唱会后与五月天拍照握手。

阿信到后面就叫我们所有的人,
都回去自己的位子,
然后把手放在椅子下,
看看下面有没有信封。

懵懂的 RY 一伸手就拿出信封,
然后他以为每个人都会有。

PS 立刻转过去抓住那个信封不松手 ,
然后激动地要 RY 让给她。

所以呢,
到了演唱会结束后,
PS 得以和五月天合照,
皆大欢喜。:)

让人更欢喜的是,
Man U 昨天赢了! :D

好的开始是成功的一半噢。

忘了提,
如果昨晚你也有去,
而且一直在看荧幕,
那么有没有注意到,
一直被拍到的那三个一直在摆动着的,
红色心型荧光棒?

那就是我,PS 和 CS 了!





Friday, August 28, 2009

blabberish

i am in the midst of markings,
feeling really worn out right now,
missing someone very badly and
did i tell you i saw some blackish weirdo stuff,
hanging around the void deck on the opposite block,
at a weirdo timing of afternoon 4 o'clock,
that i thought might freak the hell out of me,
but calm as i was, i just say to myself that,
i am tired enough, please don't come and try scare me now,
and i said a prayer after,
the infamous "Our Father in heaven",
and i reminded myself that,
i should learn to memorise the "Mother of God" prayer as well,
and then i tried to remember the buddhist chants,
that i used to learn in Maha Bodhi,
that USED to be ever so helpful in bad dreams,
and then i try to chant it in full faith,
and then i start to think about my future home,
if i should have a cross or a buddha's stautue,
or can i have both, since i am pretty well-taught in both,
then i thought of my recent falling health,
and i thought of the rising housing prices,
then i thought of the stupid September holidays packed with work,
and i thought of my burst bulb that kept me in darkness,
then i thought of my father who never help me buy lightbulb,
and i thought of the MayDay concert i can't sing along in,
then i thought of the amount of money i spent on,
buying medicine and health-nourishing products,
and then i thought of my nauseated feeling in the morning,
then the Tussil 5 that are not working,
and the flu that have not been here,
for quite some time since i took Tamiflu,
then i thought of going to take the flu vaccine,
and then i try to convince myself,
that you know,
despite all these,
it might not be so bad after all,
because you wouldn't know,
it can be worse for all.



Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dear God...

Please be with me,
as I work with this vulnerable body of mine.

I promise to take good care of it,
and make it well again.

Please let everything be fine.

Just as before...



Saturday, August 22, 2009

really


next time remind me,
not to cry myself silly.

unless i want to wake up again,
with eyes so swollen,
i can barely open.



Friday, August 21, 2009

胡思乱想





给看得懂的你。



Upon realization

It gives one sheer internal strength,
when one understands that there is nobody to rely on.

Either you go through it yourself,
or you entirely give it up altogether.

No one knows how it will turn out to be.

You cannot turn back,
and there should be no regrets.



Wednesday, August 19, 2009

莫名其妙


今天带着口罩到咖啡店买午餐。

卖杂菜饭的男子在收钱时问我,

可不可以把口罩取下,

让他看看我的样子。



Monday, August 17, 2009

Lesson learnt

Always be responsible.

Try not to create sh** for people,
for one day the same sh** will come back to you.

And always try to help when you can,
because there is such a thing as

KARMA.