突发

6月28日（23周）

傍晚，一股疼痛涌入腹中。

双脚开始发麻，

 犹如经痛。

打给医生，

他说可能只是小龙压着子宫；

但如果感觉严重，

明天去见他。

晚上仍感觉很不好，

于是决定明天去检查。

6月29日

见了医生，

发现子宫有撑开的迹象。

医生立刻命我入院。

自从肚子里有了小龙后，

这是我第三度如此感觉无助和恐慌。

进了医院后，

医生交待不能让我下床，

必须一直躺着。

晚上一直无法入眠。

担心小龙，

担心工作和可怖的住院费，

还有特别想念为我们到处奔波的好老公

6月30日

医生早上来检查，

求他让我回家休养，

他答应了。

回家的感觉真好。

此刻深切感受自己如此幸运，

有个爱我的父母和弟妹，

还有老公。

尤其爸妈和老公，

为了我和小龙多么劳累，

一直奔波。

7月3日（24周）

 通知了管理层，

医生给了一个星期的病假，

接下来可能需要适度调整我的工作量。

没想到，

校长竟告诉我不用回去，

在家里“休息”到宝宝出生。

突如其来的消息，

加重了我的心里压力。

校长婉约地谈话，

并没有明确地说明，

“不用回去”是要我拿无薪假吗？

虽然我们并不缺那几个月的钱，

但小龙出生后会带来的经济负担，

是可想而知的。

而且，

她有权利这么做吗？

我越想越着急，

越想越生气。

最后打了几通电话，

给一些我认为能够帮助我的人，

终于能够比较安心地“不用回去”。

这件事给我的震撼很大。

老公说，

有些小型企业，

在发现女职员怀孕后，

就会找借口把她裁掉，

所以我已经算幸运了。

我不觉得自己幸运，

只是很困惑为什么，

我们如此文明的社会，

别人眼中多么发达的国家，

却没能确保幸苦怀胎的妇女，

能够安全、毫无后顾之忧地生下一代。

可能以前的我，

也会如此认为，

但感触肯定没有那么深刻。

自从怀孕后，

我是如此深刻地体会到

母亲的伟大。

我们的妈妈，

是多么的幸苦，

把我们带来这世界。

她们有多么的伟大，

除非你也当了妈妈，

你领略到的可能只是，

其中的三分之一。

老公叫我别再想这个了。

现在的我，

只想好好地保护小龙，

让他乖乖安全在我肚子里，

直到他发育完全，时间适当 ，

才出来和这美丽的世界见面。

小龙，你要乖乖听话，

知道吗？

迎新

好久好久没上来了，

为了许多事在忙碌。 

但愿事情落实后，

一切会渐渐稳定。

在这儿，先来个小预告。

^_^

五味

一股失落感，
尽管预料会有这样的结果，
而也不能做什么。

有点儿什么都不想理。

就这样吧，
继续这样窝着也不错，
什么都不用想，
什么都不须做。

继续沉溺于那不真实，
却反映现实的世界，

然后心微微一震，
回想回忆，
当年，那时。

承诺

从今以后，
不论安居困苦、富裕贫穷、健康病弱，
我都敬爱你，守护你，
直到永远。

我为此真心立约。



我为此真心立约。

三十

曾以为遥远的三十，
一眨眼就是。

曾以为这一日，
会大写熟女宣言，
大声宣布单身并不令人厌。

可没想到，
这一天的七天后，
我就要成为别人的家后。

现在的我，
感觉疲惫，
所以没有什么宣言。

然而空气中的一股喜悦，
从家人亲戚朋友那儿传来的喜悦，
也感染着我的思绪，
尽管仍然很累。

除了累，
我真的很好。

如果这都不叫幸福的话，
我也不知道什么才叫幸福了。

没有宣言，
却有小小愿望。

希望身体健康，
知足惜福。

生日快乐。：）

教师节 2011

好久没有写部落格了。

最近生活发生了许多事，
感觉疲惫。

2011 的教师节，
感谢你们如此爱我，
就犹如我同样爱你们一样。

你们，
是我继续的理由。

Tuesdays with Morries

All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.

Defenseless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame."


— W.H. Auden

Injustice to blame all

I read with great disappointment Theresa Tan’s (Saturday, 23rd July) report “Late (great) expectations ” as it seemed to me that all fingers are being pointed to the couples, especially the fairer sex, for Singapore’s declining birth rate and delayed parenthood.

What is being reported is only skin deep and does not reflect the real issues involved.

As much as I know that there are people who put off parenthood because they wanted more for themselves and are not ready. They do not represent the population being mentioned in this report.

Let us think about it. A young Singaporean will only complete Junior College at the age of 18 and tertiary education at probably 23. Two more years are to be added if they are required to serve National Service. Will a rational person be thinking of getting married and having babies when you probably cannot even support yourself?

For an average Singaporean who does not have rich parents to pay for their tertiary education, had to take a loan and pay the tertiary education once they graduated. It probably takes around 2 years or more for the loan to be fully paid. Here, we are assuming that he/she found a job immediately upon graduation, which might not be the case. Will you be thinking of getting married and having babies at this stage?

By the time this Singaporean is financially stable enough to take care of someone else, he/she will be in the late twenties. By this time, he/she is probably attached, but not long enough to decide if this person is the one. Should they be applying for a BTO now because by the time they really want to get married, they will be unable to pay for that atrocious COV of the resale market and will have to wait for at least three or more years for balloting, results, building of BTO, getting of keys and renovation of house. Should they take the risk of being slapped by a fine, should their relationship change within these 3 years before getting married?

Here, we are not even taking into consideration those who put so much time into studies and work, and are left single in their late twenties. Their marriage will probably come much later through no fault of theirs in a rat-race society like ours.

Having children can only come after a couple has a roof over their head. They are not waiting for all stars to align, but just want to be more responsible towards another precious life. Will you be thinking of having babies when you are married but living apart because you cannot afford a resale flat, but have no luck or unable to wait for three years for BTO? Not all couples are able to stay with the in-laws, taking into account that most of us are living in a shoe-box.

Having babies is more than just statistics. There are many factors that come into play. Why would anyone put themselves through the agony of IVF if not for the circumstances they are in?

Please do not blame all on the people, before taking a good look at the policies and reality.

Late (great) expectations

Enough

I totally do not like the fact that the mood and emotions of my day
is constantly under the effect of a bigger wave
that really at the very root
has nothing to do with me.

Everytime it happens
I wish I have a home of my own.
A home I know where there is love
constant love, understanding and communication.

I am sorry I can't be
that big-hearted to contain whatever shit
you guys decided to embark on
and wouldn't let go.

I am tired of all these.

I just want to
stay peaceful and happy every day.

Yes, maybe weary
and a few complains here and there
but nevertheless happy and with peace.

Why is it so difficult?

Sorry,
but I want out.

Since I can't solve your problems,
and grant you the happiness
that maybe you dont even desire,
I have to fight for my own.

This is it.

This is it.