The return of the death-eaters

This is the story of a little town

who was once peaceful

with friendly and helpful souls all around

There were a few death-eaters

but they weren't powerful enough to cause chaos

only some nuisance

but very often can be ignored

Then one fine year

some good souls left for greener pasture

And more death-eaters disguising as good men

infiltrated the little town

As more and more of them gathered

they revealed themselves

creating havoc at the expense of those who remained

These were times of agony

with much anger among the good people

However all bad things will come to an end eventually

As one by one

the death-eaters left

The good souls of the little town finally regained peace

All is happy and fine

Until one day

an elderly announced that she came to know

the plans of those death-eaters who left

to make a comeback

one by one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have a strong urge to tell this story.

Felt sad telling it.

I, together with the other good souls,

will pray hard

for prolong peace of the small little town.

If all goes wrong,

well, there is always the greener pasture.

The end.

二零一四，平静安乐

没有狂欢，没有庆祝

只是待在家中

守着傍晚忽然发烧的小宝贝

与老公在房里聊着

这一年的事

宝贝的事

接下来的事

工作上令人纳闷的事

然后

一起看着三立电台

网上播放的高雄新年倒数

拥抱，接吻

心里默默为家人祈福

2014

但愿健康，平安，快乐

为人父母

当了母亲后，

我很敬佩所有的母亲。

从怀孕

到把孩子生下来，

从他生病发烧到康复，

然后又因打预防针或其他的原因

又再度生病发烧。

是的，

这是必经的过程。

小孩大多都会没事，

安然成长。

然而，

这一切有时

真的令我喘不过气来，

感觉无法呼吸。

有时脑袋悄悄地出没

自私的想法，

若没有孩子，

日子真的会比较容易过。

尽管我真的真的很爱我的儿子，

愿意为他牺牲生命，

愿意为他做牛做马。

三十二的我

最近常和老公讨论着

是否要添第二个。

老实说，

我很想要多一个孩子，

为小宝贝做伴。

当我们俩都老了走了，

至少在这世界上，

孩子不是自己一个人。

可是，

我真的感到很疲惫，

尤其是当孩子生病时，

这种无力感是加倍的。

骤然很感激父母，

含辛茹苦将我抚养长大。

词穷

很长一段日子，很想写些什么，
但因为发生的太多，想写的太多，
真的不知从何写起。

有时下定决心，
上了网准备写个想法，
零零落落的字
打了又删，删了又打，
最后不了了之。

写作便是如此，
与生活一般。

久久繁琐地过着日子，
久久没有好好地过生活，
久而久之真的会忘了如何过。

其实我过得很好，
只是很累。

但当母亲老婆之余，
还想继续做蓝月。

加油哦，蓝月！

Note to Self

• Don't over-worry unnecessarily. 

Worrying does not help in the situation. It only exaggerates the worst that can happen and makes me feel like shit.

• Breathe in, breathe out.

I really need more of this especially after being a mother. Situation changes in split seconds. As I type, my son could be fighting against some nameless gastronitis virus and started a sudden mild fever. *touch-wood*! My heart almost stop so many times through this one year.

• Let go

I need to believe that other than me, someone else can take good care of him as well. I need to trust the alternative care-giver. I need to trust that my son is more adaptable and stronger than I choose to believe.

```````

I never see myself as carefree till I become a Mother. I was carefree. But I choose to worry. 

Now a Mother, I see the real worries. Worries that are not just about yourself, but another human being, whose life is dependant on your every decision, right or wrong. 

I feel so tired right. Yet, it has become clearer and clearer that it's not my baby who can't live without me, but I him.

I love my baby.

God bless my baby.

生日快乐

五年前，若你告诉我

与你邂逅，生命会改变

我绝不相信

可是注定，改变了

加倍的欢乐，偶尔的低潮

最终仍是倍感幸福的

在你面前

我无需伪装自己，假装坚强

当一切无所谓

因此有时

会显得特别软弱、无理取闹

有时实在太幸福了

才开始察觉到你如此重要

然后胡思乱想，陷入低潮

感谢你在这一天

出现在这个世界

感谢你走进我的生命

对我不离不弃

亲爱的

祝愿你也和我一样

幸福、快乐

回顾

我回来了。

最后一次的记录，

写着 10月 9日。

那时的我，

期待混乱，五味参杂。

5 天后的凌晨两点，

水袋突然破了。

16 个小时阵痛、呕吐、待产。

然后在 10月14日的傍晚，

我成为了“妈妈”。

这是一个很奇妙的经验。

奇妙得每个人都比当事人兴奋，

奇妙得能在万分期待后如此痛苦，

然后在痛楚和辛熬中，

慢慢领悟其中的快乐。

孩子的诞生，

粉碎了建立多年的自我，

曾经一度，我迷失了自己。

然而，

却也让我从中发现了

自己从不晓得的另一面，

然后从这些零零碎碎的自我，

重新整理，学习拼凑，试着了解。

我没有改变，我还是蓝月。

很多年前因过度伤心而开始写部落格的蓝月，

因太阳的出现，变得更明亮。

现在的蓝月，

不止有温暖的太阳，

还多了一颗闪耀的小星星在身旁。

我回来了。

我还是蓝月。

我很快乐。

但愿你也一样。

Week 37 + 3 days

Mommy's weight : 60.3kg (Weight gained: 16.3kg)
Baby's weight : 2.704kg



Was hospitalised again last week Thursday.

Dad's car met with an accident on our way back 
from Gleneagles Medical Centre for my fetal check-up.

An idiotic cab driver 2 cars ahead of us jammed suddenly,
causing an emergency brake for both Dad's car and the van in front.

No vehicle was damaged at that point in time.

Less than a minute later,
a heavy vehicle that looks like a crane
bumped hard behind us.

Dad and I were shocked
as this was unexpected.

We were alright,
but the car's boot was badly hit.

Then it dawned upon me,
to check if my baby is alright.

I felt lost.

And I decided to take a cab back to my gynaecologist
to check my baby's well-being,
while Dad deal with those people responsible for that bump.

Much to my dismay,
baby was not okay.

The placenta was bleeding,
there were blood clogs.

Dr Tan ordered immediate hospital admission.

For the next 4 days,
I stayed at the hospital,
praying every day for everything to be alright.

Luckily everything went well,
Dr Tan then allow me to go home yesterday,
complete bed-rest again till I deliver.

I sometimes wonder why
so many misfortunate events have to happen
during my pregnancy,
while some people just breeze through theirs.

But deep down I know,
I should be thankful
that at the end of the day,
everyone is safe and sound.

Dear God,
thank you for watching over us.

Thank you.

The Wait

Can be a very frustrating process.

As much as I know that

little man can and should stay till at least 38 weeks,

the time when there's not much you can do,

is torturing.

There is only so much one can sleep and rest.

The rest of the time is spent 

dwelling and worrying about issues post-pregnancy.

Little things start to have the ability arouse your emotions.

Broke my hairclip this afternoon due to my carelessness,

and I could literally feel depression sink in.

It is my only hairclip,

to clip up my head of hair 

amidst of this humid and warm weather.

Now I have to buy a new one.

The thought of needing to go out and buy things,

makes me depress.

As much as I love to go out shopping at this point in time,

I feel tired just thinking about "purposeful" shopping.

These are very contradictary and complex thoughts and emotions.

I feel like a emotional freak

just thinking about my own thoughts and emotions these days.

Lucky for me,

hubby has been really understanding and accomodating;

I don't know how I can come so far if not for him.

The thought of what it is going to be like when little man comes out,

also keeps me slightly emotional.

On one hand, 

I feel I can handle it.

I am normally quite good with babies,

and I feel I have the patience to slowly get all of us settled comfortably.

On the other hand,

I am worried that I might dip into depression post-natal,

since now my emotions are sometimes abit haywire,

and I cannot control my tears and thoughts.

A good friend, E told me to rest and relax during this period,

and not think too much.

She herself has just given birth this March,

and her baby has not been the easiest to take care of.

But she took it in her stride,

and now everything is slowly settling down.

I see her as a good example,

someone to look up to whenever I think too much.

Eventually we will get there.

Right, little man?

Even though Daddy and Mommy are inexperienced,

the three of us will try and learn to accomodate each other,

until we are all comfortably settled down into a routine.

Popo will also help us along the way.

As much as there are endless anxiety,

Daddy and Mommy look forward to give you big hugs and kisses,

and all the love we have.

We love you, little man.

Week 35 + 6 days

Mommy's weight : 60.8kg (Weight gained: 16.8kg)
Baby's weight : 2.454kg

I was appalled to find myself gaining 1.2kg in a week, 

whereas little man just gained 176g. 

I would probably have felt better

if I had indulged in all those durians, moon-cakes, ice-creams and chocolates,

resulting in this weight gain.

But I had not.

To be precise I ate as per normal,

wholemeal bread, cheese and milk for breakfast,

brown rice and mixed vegetables for lunch,

some fruits at around 5-ish when I get a little famish,

and a standard takeaway for dinner on whatever hubby can buy.

I know I should not keep dwelling on it,

but gaining beyond 15kg is not what I anticipated.

I have a small and petite frame,

I don't really grow an appetite during the whole time I was pregnant,

where on earth does all that weight come from?

It never fails to amaze me

to be carrying so much extra weight around.

No wonder I get tired so easily.

Little man oh little man,

please be good and take some of Mommy's weight.

Though Dr Tan keeps saying that you have a good weight,

but you could probably gain a little more.

Mommy has this strong feeling

that you are so going to be like your Daddy,

having the skinny genes.

And your Daddy is gleeful about it.

Mommy says that

if you are going to be so much like Daddy,

Daddy should set a good example for you.

These days Mommy keeps telling Daddy

to change some of his habits

like constantly playing with his iphone and MacBook,

even when watching TV.

Mommy is going to be strict about such things.

Mommy's little man will grow up with good manners and good habits. :)

Can't wait to hold you in my arms

in a few more weeks' time,

Mommy's darling little man.