I asked myself

What is the worst possible scenario?

Losing my voice all over again,

and not being able to do what my profession requires of me.

And having the entire episode coming back repeatedly

What can you do if that really happens?

See doctor.

I have an appointment with Gastro Specialist next Monday.

Does it help? I do not know.

I have been seeing so many doctors,

yet I still do not feel well.

I do not want to lose faith,

but sometimes I wish I can just get it done and over with.

I am very sick of not being well.

My throat, my voice, the stuck-in-the-throat feeling,

and sometimes unwelcome palpitation and breathlessness.

Damn, I am not dying, yet it's torturing the hell out of me.

I am frightened.

I am so scared, yet I so badly need to compose myself.

What can I do?

I can only hold on to sheer faith and pray,

and believe in the next doctor

who would probably give me the same kind of medication

that did not helped at all.

I am scared that

I might not be able to do classroom teaching anymore

if this continues.

Is it of any use to be scared and frightened

of the uncertainty ahead?

Actually this is a question CS would often ask me,

whenever I tell him my fear.

No, it is of no use,

therefore I must hang in there.

If I can survive from August 09 till now,

I can continue to hang in there,

till they do the scope to find out what's going on inside,

and give me some solutions.

From there,

I will see what I can do.

It's not life-threatening, definitely.

It's just always there to ruin my day.

I need to learn to accept its existence,

and live with it till I can eventually rid it.

I am fine.

I am just scared.