词穷

很长一段日子，很想写些什么，
但因为发生的太多，想写的太多，
真的不知从何写起。

有时下定决心，
上了网准备写个想法，
零零落落的字
打了又删，删了又打，
最后不了了之。

写作便是如此，
与生活一般。

久久繁琐地过着日子，
久久没有好好地过生活，
久而久之真的会忘了如何过。

其实我过得很好，
只是很累。

但当母亲老婆之余，
还想继续做蓝月。

加油哦，蓝月！

Note to Self

• Don't over-worry unnecessarily. 

Worrying does not help in the situation. It only exaggerates the worst that can happen and makes me feel like shit.

• Breathe in, breathe out.

I really need more of this especially after being a mother. Situation changes in split seconds. As I type, my son could be fighting against some nameless gastronitis virus and started a sudden mild fever. *touch-wood*! My heart almost stop so many times through this one year.

• Let go

I need to believe that other than me, someone else can take good care of him as well. I need to trust the alternative care-giver. I need to trust that my son is more adaptable and stronger than I choose to believe.

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I never see myself as carefree till I become a Mother. I was carefree. But I choose to worry. 

Now a Mother, I see the real worries. Worries that are not just about yourself, but another human being, whose life is dependant on your every decision, right or wrong. 

I feel so tired right. Yet, it has become clearer and clearer that it's not my baby who can't live without me, but I him.

I love my baby.

God bless my baby.