Friday, August 01, 2008

To guilt

CS called at 5.25am as he always does to make sure I get out of bed.

I was awake. I never slept. My nose was blocked, I kept sneezing. I couldn't get to sleep at all.

CS was concerned. He told me to rest for the day, as he always did.

I wouldn't.

My girls were having their Prelims Oral Examination that day. And there is already a shortage of teachers available as examiners. I cannot be absent.

CS did not insist. Even though I kept murmuring that I feel really unwell.

He knew I was in a dilemma. He knew if I decided on taking an MC, I would go through the entire episode of guilt trip.

"Let a coin decide for you." He said. Then he tossed a coin on my behalf, while I was on the other line waiting.

"Head to go, tail to rest." I murmured.

"If I can have my way, I'd put tail on both sides." He said, as he tossed the coin.

In the end, it was tail.

I gladly accepted the decision made for me, went back to bed and see the doctor later in the morning.

Doctor announced me feverish, with flu virus.

Still, I went through that guilt trip, when I heard that 3 were absent on that fateful day, me included.

Well, perhaps I shouldn't.

I rarely take MC, but this year the body immunity system really went chaotic, for whatever reason.

I wouldn't want it, if I can help it.

And if not for CS, I think I would have pushed myself through the full long day, spread the flu virus everywhere I sneeze, and get very sick by the end of the week.

Which is more responsible? I wonder.

I think the society and myself are confused.

7 comments:

harriet aka 晴 said...

take care.
for youself.and those who love you.
as a teacher, i can feel your guilty.
but we need healthier body to take care of our student. So, rest well and recover fast is only way to do.

Anonymous said...

If I were you, I would take an MC. We are after all humans, susceptible to illnesses.

We really ought to learn how to let go...

I am still learning...

新怡 said...

take care

JoyfulJazzyMummy said...

Are u feeling better now?

蓝月 said...

i'm fine :) stronger after each fall/viral attack. thanks.

Anonymous said...

Should just take MC to rest. Do not need to feel guilty for taking MC. it's a bad habit. Luckily u have CS to take care of you... So sweet. =)

蓝月 said...

yes... ^^.. he's always the sweetest.