Week 37 + 3 days

Mommy's weight : 60.3kg (Weight gained: 16.3kg)
Baby's weight : 2.704kg



Was hospitalised again last week Thursday.

Dad's car met with an accident on our way back 
from Gleneagles Medical Centre for my fetal check-up.

An idiotic cab driver 2 cars ahead of us jammed suddenly,
causing an emergency brake for both Dad's car and the van in front.

No vehicle was damaged at that point in time.

Less than a minute later,
a heavy vehicle that looks like a crane
bumped hard behind us.

Dad and I were shocked
as this was unexpected.

We were alright,
but the car's boot was badly hit.

Then it dawned upon me,
to check if my baby is alright.

I felt lost.

And I decided to take a cab back to my gynaecologist
to check my baby's well-being,
while Dad deal with those people responsible for that bump.

Much to my dismay,
baby was not okay.

The placenta was bleeding,
there were blood clogs.

Dr Tan ordered immediate hospital admission.

For the next 4 days,
I stayed at the hospital,
praying every day for everything to be alright.

Luckily everything went well,
Dr Tan then allow me to go home yesterday,
complete bed-rest again till I deliver.

I sometimes wonder why
so many misfortunate events have to happen
during my pregnancy,
while some people just breeze through theirs.

But deep down I know,
I should be thankful
that at the end of the day,
everyone is safe and sound.

Dear God,
thank you for watching over us.

Thank you.

The Wait

Can be a very frustrating process.

As much as I know that

little man can and should stay till at least 38 weeks,

the time when there's not much you can do,

is torturing.

There is only so much one can sleep and rest.

The rest of the time is spent 

dwelling and worrying about issues post-pregnancy.

Little things start to have the ability arouse your emotions.

Broke my hairclip this afternoon due to my carelessness,

and I could literally feel depression sink in.

It is my only hairclip,

to clip up my head of hair 

amidst of this humid and warm weather.

Now I have to buy a new one.

The thought of needing to go out and buy things,

makes me depress.

As much as I love to go out shopping at this point in time,

I feel tired just thinking about "purposeful" shopping.

These are very contradictary and complex thoughts and emotions.

I feel like a emotional freak

just thinking about my own thoughts and emotions these days.

Lucky for me,

hubby has been really understanding and accomodating;

I don't know how I can come so far if not for him.

The thought of what it is going to be like when little man comes out,

also keeps me slightly emotional.

On one hand, 

I feel I can handle it.

I am normally quite good with babies,

and I feel I have the patience to slowly get all of us settled comfortably.

On the other hand,

I am worried that I might dip into depression post-natal,

since now my emotions are sometimes abit haywire,

and I cannot control my tears and thoughts.

A good friend, E told me to rest and relax during this period,

and not think too much.

She herself has just given birth this March,

and her baby has not been the easiest to take care of.

But she took it in her stride,

and now everything is slowly settling down.

I see her as a good example,

someone to look up to whenever I think too much.

Eventually we will get there.

Right, little man?

Even though Daddy and Mommy are inexperienced,

the three of us will try and learn to accomodate each other,

until we are all comfortably settled down into a routine.

Popo will also help us along the way.

As much as there are endless anxiety,

Daddy and Mommy look forward to give you big hugs and kisses,

and all the love we have.

We love you, little man.

Week 35 + 6 days

Mommy's weight : 60.8kg (Weight gained: 16.8kg)
Baby's weight : 2.454kg

I was appalled to find myself gaining 1.2kg in a week, 

whereas little man just gained 176g. 

I would probably have felt better

if I had indulged in all those durians, moon-cakes, ice-creams and chocolates,

resulting in this weight gain.

But I had not.

To be precise I ate as per normal,

wholemeal bread, cheese and milk for breakfast,

brown rice and mixed vegetables for lunch,

some fruits at around 5-ish when I get a little famish,

and a standard takeaway for dinner on whatever hubby can buy.

I know I should not keep dwelling on it,

but gaining beyond 15kg is not what I anticipated.

I have a small and petite frame,

I don't really grow an appetite during the whole time I was pregnant,

where on earth does all that weight come from?

It never fails to amaze me

to be carrying so much extra weight around.

No wonder I get tired so easily.

Little man oh little man,

please be good and take some of Mommy's weight.

Though Dr Tan keeps saying that you have a good weight,

but you could probably gain a little more.

Mommy has this strong feeling

that you are so going to be like your Daddy,

having the skinny genes.

And your Daddy is gleeful about it.

Mommy says that

if you are going to be so much like Daddy,

Daddy should set a good example for you.

These days Mommy keeps telling Daddy

to change some of his habits

like constantly playing with his iphone and MacBook,

even when watching TV.

Mommy is going to be strict about such things.

Mommy's little man will grow up with good manners and good habits. :)

Can't wait to hold you in my arms

in a few more weeks' time,

Mommy's darling little man.

Maternity Leave

Today is the officially first day of my maternity leave,

well if we discount Saturday and Sunday.

I am so glad to be able to stay at home rest

and not have to pull myself and baby out of bed

in the wee hours of 5-ish am to go to work.

As my tummy gets bigger,

it gets easier to feel breathless, panting and tired,

even though I am not walking much.

Sometimes this physical weariness

comes with the intense pressure on my bladder,

and it really feels bad.

As usual,

last night I didn't get to sleep much.

Woke up respectively

at 2am, 4am, 5.30am (due to my stupid hp), 7am (due to hubby's alarm)

and finally doze back to sleep better for a good 2 hours

before I wake up at around 10am.

Sleeping patterns like that are crazy,

I am surprised by my ability to cope.

What comforts me

is my little darling happily kicking away whenever it frustrates me,

and I think to myself,

it doesn't matter as long as he is safe and sound in me.

Sometimes the discomfort and unsettled feelings

makes me think of my mother.

You will not really know how much your mother has to go through,

until you go through it yourself.

I love my mother a lot before I got pregnant.

I love her more than ever now.

In his shoes

Had some terrible nightmares

of monsters and ghosts,

those nightmares most of us would have

when we were much younger.

Still,

they were scary as ever.

Tried to wake hubby who was sleeping like a log,

he did not even stirred.

As I layed still underneath the blanket,

waiting for my ridiculous fear to subside,

I thought of my son,

who was happily kicking away.

We intend to let him sleep in his own room from young,

no sleeping in with us.

But what if he has horrible nightmares,

like his imaginative mother?

He will be alone,

in his room.

I told hubby of this thought the next day,

and asked if we should change our minds 

about him sleeping alone.

Hubby says no.

We will be able to hear him when he cries,

he reasoned.

Well, hubby didn't even stir

when I was drenched with fear.

 But I guess we should try,

enforce what we think is right,

and evaluate as time gets by.

Though somewhere in my little mind,

I think I will go and sleep with my baby boy,

when monsters and ghosts come to play,

till peace, love and all things beautiful drive them away.

Week 34 + 5 days

Mommy's weight : 59.6kg (Weight gained: 15.6kg)
Baby's weight : 2.278kg


 亲爱的小宝贝，

 再多一天，再多一天妈咪就放产假咯！

终于等到了放产假的时候。这几个星期，妈咪都没有睡好。你也是吧？三更半夜就醒来踢踢踢，搞得妈咪频频上厕所，辗转难眠。小坏蛋。妈妈放了产假，你要一定乖乖让妈咪在这个月里好好休息。不然妈咪睡不好，你爸爸也会没得好睡。要知道，你出来后，爸爸妈咪可是只有熬夜的份哦。

爸爸说，如果你乖乖，他就买曼联的球衣给你。呵呵。你也会和爸爸一样支持曼联吗？

 那天，妈咪终于拍到了你在妈咪肚子里跳舞的模样。你的舅舅不相信你真的那么厉害，还一直说是妈咪自己摇动肚子。还有，你舅舅一直叫你 XiaoOng，还怂恿你公公婆婆叫你 OHH，真调皮！等你出来，若他捉弄你，妈咪就让你在他床上留下珍贵的童子尿。

宝贝，你一定要至少等到38周后才出来哦。虽然妈妈每次都跟爸爸投诉说很辛苦，又是胃酸倒流，又是水肿，不然就腰酸背痛，怎么躺怎么坐都不对。但是，一想到你健健康康、安安全全地在妈咪肚子里成长，这一切都算不了什么。

爸爸妈咪都很爱你，你要乖乖听话哦。

Week 31

Mommy's weight : 57.5kg (Weight gained: 13.5kg)
Baby's weight : 1.582kg


亲爱的小宝贝，

妈咪真是抱歉，怀你那么久，一直想要给你记录每一阶段的成长，就像许多其他妈妈一样，可是却一直心有余而力不足，总是觉得很疲惫、无力。妈咪连去逛街给你买东西准备你的到来，都感觉力不从心。

最近，妈咪一想起这些，就觉得很愧疚，然后眼泪就会一直不住地流。幸好有你爸爸一直在妈咪身旁。

小宝贝，爸爸几乎每天叫你名字，跟你说话，你听到吗？你喜欢爸爸妈妈给你取的名字吗？你的中文名，有水深而广，广大无边的意思。你的英文名字，是领导者的意思。你爸爸说，如果你不喜欢，晚上你们“沟通”时，要告诉他。

每回你听到爸爸的声音，然后兴奋地乱踹时，妈咪都很感动、感恩。妈咪喜欢感觉你的一举一动，虽然有时候真的很痛。妈咪知道，这是你在告诉妈咪，你在里头很健康地成长着，让妈咪不要担心。

 小宝贝，你真的很乖。还有多八个星期，乖乖在妈咪身体里待多八个星期，好好成长，好不好？

爸爸和妈咪真的很爱你。

To my dear baby

Mommy & Daddy love you very much.

Be good, 

be strong and healthy.

Stay inside Mommy for 3 more months.

Mommy will do her best

to keep her blood pressure low,

and refrain from walking to much as well.

Let's all hang in there.

突发

6月28日（23周）

傍晚，一股疼痛涌入腹中。

双脚开始发麻，

 犹如经痛。

打给医生，

他说可能只是小龙压着子宫；

但如果感觉严重，

明天去见他。

晚上仍感觉很不好，

于是决定明天去检查。

6月29日

见了医生，

发现子宫有撑开的迹象。

医生立刻命我入院。

自从肚子里有了小龙后，

这是我第三度如此感觉无助和恐慌。

进了医院后，

医生交待不能让我下床，

必须一直躺着。

晚上一直无法入眠。

担心小龙，

担心工作和可怖的住院费，

还有特别想念为我们到处奔波的好老公

6月30日

医生早上来检查，

求他让我回家休养，

他答应了。

回家的感觉真好。

此刻深切感受自己如此幸运，

有个爱我的父母和弟妹，

还有老公。

尤其爸妈和老公，

为了我和小龙多么劳累，

一直奔波。

7月3日（24周）

 通知了管理层，

医生给了一个星期的病假，

接下来可能需要适度调整我的工作量。

没想到，

校长竟告诉我不用回去，

在家里“休息”到宝宝出生。

突如其来的消息，

加重了我的心里压力。

校长婉约地谈话，

并没有明确地说明，

“不用回去”是要我拿无薪假吗？

虽然我们并不缺那几个月的钱，

但小龙出生后会带来的经济负担，

是可想而知的。

而且，

她有权利这么做吗？

我越想越着急，

越想越生气。

最后打了几通电话，

给一些我认为能够帮助我的人，

终于能够比较安心地“不用回去”。

这件事给我的震撼很大。

老公说，

有些小型企业，

在发现女职员怀孕后，

就会找借口把她裁掉，

所以我已经算幸运了。

我不觉得自己幸运，

只是很困惑为什么，

我们如此文明的社会，

别人眼中多么发达的国家，

却没能确保幸苦怀胎的妇女，

能够安全、毫无后顾之忧地生下一代。

可能以前的我，

也会如此认为，

但感触肯定没有那么深刻。

自从怀孕后，

我是如此深刻地体会到

母亲的伟大。

我们的妈妈，

是多么的幸苦，

把我们带来这世界。

她们有多么的伟大，

除非你也当了妈妈，

你领略到的可能只是，

其中的三分之一。

老公叫我别再想这个了。

现在的我，

只想好好地保护小龙，

让他乖乖安全在我肚子里，

直到他发育完全，时间适当 ，

才出来和这美丽的世界见面。

小龙，你要乖乖听话，

知道吗？

迎新

好久好久没上来了，

为了许多事在忙碌。 

但愿事情落实后，

一切会渐渐稳定。

在这儿，先来个小预告。

^_^

五味

一股失落感，
尽管预料会有这样的结果，
而也不能做什么。

有点儿什么都不想理。

就这样吧，
继续这样窝着也不错，
什么都不用想，
什么都不须做。

继续沉溺于那不真实，
却反映现实的世界，

然后心微微一震，
回想回忆，
当年，那时。