亲爱的你

知道吗？

我从来没有停止努力，让一切更好。尽管有时怀疑，这样的努力是否徒劳。

然而，人不是神。

昨夜，我忽然失去了戴上盔甲的力气。

躺下的那一刻，我仿佛陷入了某种漩涡，整个世界不停地在转。瞬间，全身麻麻的，犹如被许多不知名的事物侵入。

忽然有股莫名的释然。心想，全都来吧，我不会再抵抗，来吧。

我不是一个逃兵。

虽然非常害怕自己无法解决，但是还是不断地寻找与尝试解决的方式。

我不像以往的悲伤，只是有些懊恼。

在时间不断前进的当儿，生命的焦点也不断改变。许多事的发生不知到底是否有联系。但如果有，希望有一天能领悟其中的原因和道理。

如果说，人生其实早已被安排和埋下伏笔，那么是不是说，不管怎么的努力，都是白费力气？

抱歉，我开始语无伦次了。

我是个乐观的悲观者。

我不知道，风是否如你所说的，疼爱着我。但是这不重要。

答应你，我会继续走下去，尽我所能，走下去。

希望，有天能感觉到你所说的那阵风，看到那片大地和天空。为了这些，我会努力走下去。

但是，这几天例外。

因为，我是人，不是神。

因为，我忽然有点累了。


蓝月

I wish you Love

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss

but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

Your breaking heart and time agree

The one who hurt you could never be

So with your best

Your very best

Please set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all

when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

happy birthday miffy.

may all prayers come true.

The KFC Equations

5 tables + 12 chairs

= A feast of chicken and fries

&

6 ladies + 6 guys

= Almost 2.5 hours worth of yakking people

放空

敲敲脑袋

看有没有人在

等了许久

没有答复

心开始着急

企图敲开密实的外壳

没有反抗

只因必要

瞬间

思绪犹如闷久的寄身虫

溢了出来

没有表情

只因心痛

原来

是个令人瞧不起的

窝囊废

赏了重重的一巴掌

试图

把思绪打散

让视野放宽

Work harder

Darling was not able to properly express herself

when Mother asked her about her class BBQ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ma : "这个 BBQ 是谁主办的?"

Darl: "Class."

Ma : "什么?"

Darl: "erm... 课啦!"

Me : "Huh? What on earth is 课?"

Darl: "You know Classroom? 课室?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BUT

She can memorise the entire podcast

of the infamous

Bak Chor Mee Man

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2006/05/browncast_the_p.html

from the Mr Brown Show.

Chinese Teachers of today

really got to work

HARDER.

亲爱的蓝月

这些日子，过得还好吗？

心，是否还是隐隐作痛？梦醒时，是否仍是无比的沉重？

最近，头脑不是很清醒，有点昏昏沉沉的。每一天的过去，让我恐惧又期待。恐惧，是无谓地害怕着已知未来的逼近。期待，是希望能在明天找回自己，好好地过着接下来的日子。

Y 终于决定离开，去寻找着自己一直在找寻的。

那是一个多么不容易的决定。我即羡慕又担心。

蓝月，我也好想离开。

忽然很想念北海道的樱花。在那言语不通的国度里，仿佛赐予一种重新开始的能力。

然而，在三年内，我不能离开。

我一直问自己，若不是有这三年的契约，我会不会如同 Y 一样呢？

那晚，在等待演出开始的当儿，与 X 提起了。

离开，是一个已经很久没有再说的想法了。因为现阶段的家庭状况，自己不能就这样放下。

这是一种杂乱的疏离感，在寻找依附和继续漂泊之间，在想要离开和牵挂不舍之间；希望在偌大的世界里，找到属于自我的空间、快乐、幸福。

B 曾在最低落时告诉我，要珍惜自己所拥有的。

他说，自己所过的每一天，都是向老天借来的。他不知道，自己几时会突然离开，所以他很珍惜每一个今天。好久一段时间，没了他的音讯。不知他是否还在世界的某个角落努力的活着？

蓝月，或许你不懂，许多人的存在对我而言是非常重要的，而我所指的不只是家人。

在这段日子，一直与我接触的人，我都非常感激。

你能明白吗？

这犹如一双强而有力的手，伸进这摸不着头脑的黑洞，紧握住冰冷的无助，然后告诉你没什么好害怕的，因为在这爬出来的艰苦过程中，你将不会孤寂。

就犹如那一晚，她把心碎的她抱入怀中一样。那是一种无声的承诺，说着不管发生什么事，她会一直在这里。

我很想依靠，但不敢让自己依赖。

每个人都有一套面对悲伤的理论和方法。

G 说，把它当作一场考试，要顺利及格，必须靠自己。P 说，当不好的都发生了，好的一定会重现。D 叫我要打开心扉，学会接受和祝福。

H 说，很多事或许自己不愿向别人透露，所以要站起来，还是要靠自己。他说，坏了的东西，就要扔掉。M 告诉我要勇敢面对自己的情绪，然后让时间、生活和不断进入生命的人把它带走。

J 教我要舍得。舍弃一份执著，得到一片天空。X 说，或许不断地提醒，不是一件好事。Yee 不断地告诉我，这场累人的过山车，总有一天会停下来的。

L 或许从来没有在那么短的日子里，说那么多激励人心的故事和道理。P 一直在为我祈祷着。

蓝月，你还悲伤吗？

这个旅程，我们已经走过了那么多。让我们好好地再继续走下去好吗？

头上笼罩的乌云，总有一天会被疼爱你的风吹走。那时，你将会看见，被遗忘的大地和一直拥抱着你的蓝天。

蓝月，我们一起继续努力，好吗？

不要动

可爱的妈咪

不知贴张符纸

是要锅子不要动

还是要我们不要动？

Man of Letters

It was a good night out.

Robin Goh and Emma Yong were good,

as expected.

But this person who played Gan Seng,

totally swept me off my feet

with his performance.

George Chan.

I must be the last person on earth to notice.

He really SANG last evening.

期盼的生活

Mr Devil 问了这么一个问题。

会这么一天吗？

未来的事，

谁也无法预知。

Classified

"Chinese Lady Grad. Age 53.

Seeks Single male. Age 60.

Write with photo."

Ohmigod.

I do hope

I do not end up like that.

小樽

据 Mikki-san 说，

有位中年妇女

总会风雨不改地

在小樽河畔

拉着小提琴

到访的那天，

天不作美，

妇女一直没有出现。

然而，

却有幸遇见他。

看到这位画家时，

他正在闭目，

似乎思考着什么。

不一会儿，

只见他细心地开始调色，

为笔下的屋檐上色。

可能是

意识到注视的目光，

他忽然转过头，

对站在身后的我

微笑。

"It's beautiful."

礼貌的鞠躬，

真挚的感动。

Naked truth

Those were days

where nothing beneath wore,

wrapped in a kimono,

strutting gleefully down the hall.

Gleaming is the coral body,

fresh from scrub,

pink amidst steam.

Should Nef be here,

she'd gladly do the picture

of body age twenty-four,

at the moment where time adores.

Such is a liberty,

more than simply nudity.

Deal

And the witch doctor handed her a bottle of potion.

She was to drink it

to be able to stand on her beautiful feet,

dance, stroll and wander down the streets,

and in return,

the monthly payment

of what is most important,

her independence.

But what are legs, without independence?

When you walk every step, with strings attached.

And what is beauty, without pride?

when you allow yourself at the mercy of someone else.

She yearned to dance in the wind,

but not without freedom within.

So out where she enter,

she jumped in the river,

and without looking back,

she began to swim again.

The Final Stage

Instructions To Defeat the Ultimate Enemy

1. Enemy Approach

2. Move on

3. Activate weapon - Imagination

4. Concentrate

5. Kick some ass

6. Laugh (if it's funny)

7. Move on

8. Announce victory

In cases of failure, throw in 2 more coins and start all over again.

Note: Seek helpers when required.

Darling

"Why are you on-ing your mp3?

The radio is on."

"You are still awake?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I need its light.

I thought you're asleep already."

"I'm going to the washroom."

"Then I'll on the lights."

"Switch it off when I get back.

I need to sleep.

I have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Okaes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're still awake?"

"Yes, dear.

Go to sleep.

You have school tomorrow."

"It's ok.

I'll chat with you

and wait till you sleep."

"Don't be silly darling.

You'll be tired tomorrow.

Go to sleep.

I'll sleep soon."

"Goodnight jie-jie."

"Goodnight darling."

阿伊努族

摄氏 8 度的夜晚。

漫步于阿寒湖

阿伊努族人做买卖的街道上，

几乎每一家都是闭门做生意。

阿伊努族，

北海道的原住民,

善良淳朴的族群。

其中一家店，

玻璃门内一位盘坐的长者

吸引了目光。

手中细细雕刻着某个木质物品。

敲敲门，

长者微笑示意远客入店。

进了去，

以有限的日语和手语

开始了一段有趣的沟通，

了解了他所雕刻的事物，

也学了一些名词。

就这样，

访了几家店铺。

鸡同鸭讲的对话，

竟也能理出一个所以然。

聊着聊着，

不知过了多久。

发现时间不早时，

准备回返酒店，

却忘了回去的路。

周遭的商店

大多都已关起。

立刻回去刚才那家店铺，

向里头的原住民求助。

"ikimashio."

二话不说，

带着迷路的糊涂虫，

穿越漆黑的街道。

风，冷得刺骨；

心，却暖暖地感激着。

毬里夢 まりむ

阿寒湖有这么一个传说。

在遥远的古时候，

一对阿伊努族的男女，

因身份的差异，

不被社会所接受。

深秋的月夜里，

他们一起跳入

深不可测的阿寒湖里。

村民打捞了许久，

却始终找不到他们的尸体。

从此，

阿寒湖底

出现了一种绿色藻球。

有人说，

那是殉情的男女

所变成的。

就这样，

凄美的传说

一直流传下去。

NANA ナナ

在回返的机上，

看了这部由矢泽爱漫画

改编的电影。

原本复杂的心情，

因此而有些释然。

ナナ，

这世界上

如果真有另一个自己，

伤心难过时，

也许不会再孤寂。

ナナ，

你们给了彼此的勇气，

也鼓励着我

要快乐的继续。

If you think you had it bad,

somewhere out there,

someone had it worse.

不舍

“悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来；

我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。”

冬末春至的北海道，

给我带来许多平静。

在一个陌生的国度里，

我开始找回自己。

静观他人的脚步，

听着他人的故事，

犹如天桥上的那只猫，

一切世俗

置身事外。

那种距离，

是一种解脱。

Leaving on a jet plane

Tonight.

To Hokkaido.


This week has been bad.

Woke up every morning wishing
I could hibernate forever,
and the world would simply forget my existence.

There is this strong desire
to reset this life,
and start all over again.

Like a newborn,
freshly brought to earth.

Something is going on within me,
especially my body.

I do not know what.

It has added on
to the agony and uncertainties,
brought about
by the previous ordeal.

Mind
does not intend to falter.

In fact,
it has been hanging in there
with sheer optimism
coming from don't-know-where.


Tonight.

To Hokkaido

May something change for the better
in the new environment.

Anything.

Just make something better.

May life regain its confidence
with feet firmly on the ground,
and wings strong again,
reaching out and far.

May I be well again.

Till then.

Ciao.

Chantal Kreviazuk

A song that stole my heart away.

Chords are not difficult to strum.

When I get back,
I should really find some time
to practice on my rusty guitar
with this song,

and ask Mr Devil
to teach me the piano piece
I’ve been wanting to master.

Meanwhile,
enjoy this.

La Tortura

Petite she may be,

she is no pushover.

The last time an outrightly devious someone tried to do that

with approval from the pair of blinded eyes,

and subsequently falsely incriminated another innocent party,

she sent in her resignation.

This time,

it was different.

She had so much on her mind,

this character's actions could not penetrate

her already concentrated thoughts.

On top of that,

she knew the ultimate beneficiaries

would be the adorable innocent bunch.

Hence, the annoyance never lasts.

It happened one day,

she was put in a position

to make a choice

of leaving that character in the lurch,

or taking on an increased load

that will benefit the other two parties.

There was no obligations.

With that, she followed her heart.

And the very next day,

an unexpected word of thanks

reaffirmed her decision.

For her,

it was simple.

Make her useful;

but

Bulldoze her not.

Personality and failings

Amused and slightly confused,

I showed L these.

The Nohari Window - weaknesses

Arena (known to self and others) insecure, withdrawn, irrational, distant, weak, foolish	Blind Spot (known only to others) timid, glum, lethargic, unhappy, cynical, needy, childish, blasé, self-satisfied, passive, overdramatic, inattentive, cold
Façade (known only to self)	Unknown (known to nobody) incompetent, intolerant, inflexible, cowardly, violent, aloof, stupid, simple, irresponsible, vulgar, hostile, selfish, unhelpful, unimaginative, inane, brash, cruel, ignorant, boastful, imperceptive, chaotic, impatient, embarrassed, loud, vacuous, panicky, unethical, insensitive, smug, rash, dispassionate, dull, predictable, callous, unreliable, humourless

Dominant Traits

87% of people think that Bluemoon is unhappy

All Percentages

timid (12%) glum (12%) insecure (50%) lethargic (25%) withdrawn (25%) unhappy (87%) cynical (37%) needy (37%) irrational (12%) distant (12%) childish (12%) blasé (12%) weak (50%) self-satisfied (12%) passive (37%) overdramatic (12%) inattentive (12%) cold (12%) foolish (25%)

Created by the Nohari Window on 1.5.2006, using data from 8 respondents.
You can make your own Nohari Window, or view Bluemoon's full data.

The Johari Window - personality traits

Arena (known to self and others) caring, complex, dependable, patient, sentimental	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, calm, cheerful, clever, confident, friendly, giving, idealistic, independent, intelligent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, observant, organised, quiet, reflective, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, shy, silly, tense, trustworthy, warm, wise
Façade (known only to self) dignified	Unknown (known to nobody) adaptable, bold, brave, energetic, extroverted, happy, helpful, ingenious, nervous, powerful, proud, relaxed, religious, spontaneous, sympathetic, witty

Dominant Traits

58% of people agree that Bluemoon is sentimental

All Percentages

able (4%) accepting (4%) calm (16%) caring (33%) cheerful (12%) clever (4%) complex (20%) confident (8%) dependable (8%) friendly (12%) giving (12%) idealistic (16%) independent (16%) intelligent (12%) introverted (8%) kind (12%) knowledgeable (4%) logical (4%) loving (8%) mature (16%) modest (8%) observant (12%) organised (20%) patient (8%) quiet (25%) reflective (29%) responsive (4%) searching (25%) self-assertive (4%) self-conscious (12%) sensible (25%) sentimental (58%) shy (8%) silly (12%) tense (4%) trustworthy (20%) warm (20%) wise (8%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 1.5.2006, using data from 24 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Bluemoon's full data.

As if reading my mind,
L replied,

“Can I tell you a story?”

*nod* *nod*

I’ve always enjoyed L’s stories.

“There was once an artist
who draws very well.

One fine day,
he decided to gather opinions on his artworks,
so as to improve for future paintings.

He then displayed his favourite artwork,
and asked the public to circle the part
where they find requires improvement.

At the end of the day,
the painting was full with circles.

The artist was taken aback and felt disappointed.

A close friend learnt about it,
and asked him to do it all over again,
this time, wanting them to circle the part
that they like most.

Once again,
at the end of the day,
it was full with circles.

Moral of the story,
I think you should know.”

And I do.