无题

It has been a very unfortunate day.

However despite some moments,

in the verge of breaking down,

I kept composed.

Perhaps I should be grateful,

that I haven't had such a down day,

for quite some time.

I didn't ask why.

I have not been the kindest person,

recently.

In many instances,

it was deliberate.

They told me,

I have to be cruel to be kind.

I felt I don't really know,

what I was doing.

It felt heavy in the heart.

JQ lifted some of those heaviness,

the night we spoke.

Somehow,

he always manage to chase some blues away.

I slept well that night,

a rare occasional good night.

Sorry, I am rambling.

It has been a very bad day.

But it will pass.

The fact that it is now 8.20pm,

says that the day is ending very soon.

What goes down,

will come up.

No one will stay down for too long.

Neither will I.

No day can be as bad as today,

which means tomorrow will be a better day.

And then a very very long Friday.

But that would mean that weekend is coming.

Weekend.

A time when I can fall sick,

when it does not matter if I sleep 24 hours,

a time when I feel myself living a life.

I will be strong and fine.

I will wait for every weekend,

and tell myself in the face

that I deserve every minute of it.

I will tell myself that,

it is THIS draineous work I'm rambling about,

that provides me the money to spend on every weekend.

It is THIS job,

that allows me to take a cab home,

when all things go wrong and all I want to do,

is run home and cry under the blanket.

I have a job.

A job that allows me to complain about.

I should be grateful.

Sorry, I rambled too much.

I will try to enjoy the remaining of my night.

You have a good night too.

Wherever you are.

Take care.

Vulnerable

There's this especially strong sense,

of the unexpected and unforeseenable this year.

Serendipity, fate, luck or meant-to-be,

whatever you call it.

I'm stuck here.

And it came and hit,

came and hit.

One after another.

And all I can do for myself,

is receive.

Random-ness

他走了过来，看了我一眼。

接着连续走进他和我的房间，

拿出了房里的所有这些，

摆在我面前。

妹看见，也抱出自己的那些。

然后大家不约而同，

拿出相机当狗仔队。

我有一对发颠的弟妹。

Sane

There is this need,

to protect yourself and that someone else.

For it is you whom you fear.

And for steps you are unsure,

take it slow till it feels right and real.

Take heart the wound that once bled,

not torn again.

Take care the heart that cares,

not inflicted the pain.

牵涉

是累坏了。

睡了整整11小时，

间中无法呼吸、全身发热，

起床吃药。

昨天发生那事后，

老大终于介入、开口。

撇开政治不说，

老大总让我觉得，

仿佛一切的劳累都是值得。

她是个能干的领导者，

有明确方向，看得比他人透彻。

然而偶尔，

她的原意和政策，

在往下交待中，经历曲折。

我说

当你无法说服我们，

这一切莫名其妙的忙碌和随之而来的疲惫，

是有意义且值得的。

大家开始失泄气。

有时，

精力也只能有那么多。

病毒

怎么办？

解决了，应该。

谢谢。

邂

我想要双鞋，

一双不伤脚的鞋。

能让我行走自如，

穿着犹如赤脚飞舞。

能带我更靠近天空，

补充脚踝与地面的隙缝。

可是在寻觅的过程中，

我却无法阻止试穿时不疼痛。

我仍想要双鞋，

简单但合贴。

Those

连续打了五通电话。

最后一通放下之前，

忽然很没礼貌地问，

So, you're one of those who are on facebook?

听不清楚。

Pardon?

FACE-book.

很想告诉她，

那是私人的事，

我不觉得有必要让她知道。

而且，what do you mean by one of "THOSE"??

原来我们在她的眼里，

只是 THOSE。

可悲。

疯疯

我不懂

我不懂

我不懂

我不懂

所以他们要我别叫脑袋太沉重

那多好

思绪无需再反复多重

士多啤梨

傍晚回到家，

冰箱发现两盒草莓。

满足。

想说

不知道为什么

找不到你

让我感到难过

Lack of wise

It started not to make sense,

the entire cycle it began.

For years down the road,

this kind of life, this load.

I broke out in cold sweat,

late last night.

The kind of dreams I would have,

when everything is work and nothing nice.

And I wonder why.

Could it possibly be,

I am not in my best frame of mind?

Once again,

there is this urge to go away.

To go to somewhere,

faraway.

To run, to hide;

to dance and fly.

To a land,

where sleep is not denied.

I believe I must be,

not in my best frame of mind.

For now I cannot bear to try,

for only tears can come,

Into my eyes.

Weary

it's only two weeks,

but it felt like a year...

姐弟

我们都在快爆发的时候，

堵住嘴巴，控制情绪。

然后，

各自回到房间里。

我其实很生气。

我所做得一切，

只为了减轻爸妈的重担，

所以无须你感激。

但最基本，你要珍惜。

你让我觉得，

自己是个大笨蛋。

自愿扛起这个负担，

出现了状况，你却袖手旁观。

后来走进厨房里，

发现你已把水盆里的碗盘洗。

你正在收衣。

你说，快要下雨了。

我说，我帮你。

我开始明白，

我们都想将刚才的事，

平息。

感动

昨天傍晚和秀玲聊起，

最近生活的一些思绪。

没想到今早，

她把这递给我。

我总很感激，

来到这儿，认识你。

相信

等这场大雨下完后

天空必定会出现

美丽的彩虹

蜕变

近九年没见面，

告诉 她 我变了。

曾有一段日子，

每天以泪洗脸。

每次出门在外，

总希望有辆车迎头撞来。

但这里的车，似乎比较怕人。

大笑几声后，她说。

是的，小乌龟，你变了。

茫然

心脏

仿佛在头上

颜色

我从来不知道，

我的肤色可以如此形容。

怀念

昨晚梦见胜儿，
他招牌笑声和梦中，
他那只叫做 Rocky 的大狗。

或许梦很好笑，
醒来后脸带微笑。

今早上班，
发了简讯给他。

他回答。

Make sure I look good in your dreams.

胜儿啊胜儿，

but you've never look bad in my eyes... ;)

M 告诉我

It is probably only
a figment of your imagination,
for it has not yet happened.

If its occurance
is not for you to decide,
then why,
why do you put yourself
through that nonsensical fright?

For one simple reason,
you're just being plain silly.

Don't go there.

Open eyes wide,
look around and see.

Time and reality
will bring those
who really are meant to be.

And you will see eventually,
those who use their love,
to show you the light and put you at ease.

Eventually.

为什么

到底想要怎样的结果？

她问我。

我没回答。

我骗说我没想过。

我的期待，

充满了害怕疑惑。

我或许满足于现在安全的生活。

里头只有我和我。

而我，

不会伤害我。

畏惧

或许

我也不知道

烟火

犹如看了一场美丽的烟火。

一股莫名的快乐钻进心里，

久久散不去。

有条隐性线，

悄悄在无言中蔓延。

然而，

我们什么都没有做。

所以你仍是你，

我仍是我。