Back & forward

2010 will be ending in two days' time.

I know it sounds cliche,
but time really flies.

2010 has been a year of healing and searching,
filled with plenty of love and more understanding.

There has been turmoils, frustrations and confusions,
but we stayed together and went through it.

I do not know if 2011 will be better,
after all we have gone through and learnt.

But the wisdom we gained and knowledge we attained,
seeds of love we planted and depth of faith that grew,
will see us through.

Come what come may.

We will learn to receive them like the flowing water,
and reflect back in our own tranquil depths,
neither confuse nor frighten by our self-infused fear.

To end 2010 & start 2011,
I hereby present a poem by Mother Teresa.

~~~~~~

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you may win some false friends and true enemies;
succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people may forget tomorrow;
do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, it may never be enough;
give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and your God,
it was never between you and them anyway.


~~~~~~~

Happy New Year to all of you.

May you find peace and happiness in the brand new year.

亲爱的

那天晚上在我家
你说要给我看东西
然后忽然拿出戒指跪下

那种情绪很复杂
我不愿在这种状况下

我一直试图推开
你却不知所措地将我紧拥入怀

那时我忽然很清楚地听到你的心跳声
如此急促，如此焦急

当时我其实已感动
但还是说不可以

你说我要惊喜
但你不会制造惊喜

我说你的方向错了
我比较想要诚意

你总是傻傻的
不会推敲我的心意
但又总是如此尽力
因为你说，我，你最在意

第二次
没想到你又安排在我家里

意想不到的惊喜
在门外可爱的小男孩
带着气球和玫瑰

然后穿得帅帅的你
再次拿出戒指跪下

亲爱的

感谢你
总是用你自己的方式
如此用心地爱着我

我爱你，我愿意

一辈子继续做你最亲密的朋友
最懂你的知己，最快乐的玩伴
最幸福的爱人

执子之手，与子偕老

Equilibrium

It's been almost three weeks
since my break started.

The first thing I always do
is to sleep as much as my body desires.

My profession requires me
to wake up at wee hours of the morning,
hence it is a norm to wake up feeling extremely unsatisfied.

Then started the vicious cycle
of sleeping later and waking up late.

Instead of feeling rested,
I felt more weary than before.

My biological clock is disrupted,
and the disruptions start to show on my face.

I started to appreciate having a job to wake up to,
having a purpose every day.

I am still enjoying my break,
which is ending in a few weeks' time.

But this realization of the importance of equilibrium,
makes me cherish my rest and work more.

Equilibrium sometimes requires discipline,
and that is why I am slowly adjusting myself,
to an early bedtime and wake up earlier in the morning.

This equilibrium I am trying to attain in my daily life,
I feel will bring about clarity and peace in my daily thoughts.

Significance

If certain things are of such importance to you

It is perhaps necessary
to keep the purpose in mind
constantly

so that its meaning and significance
is not lost
through impulsive actions and thoughtless acts

Something become special and unforgettable
because of the thought, effort and sincerity
not the completion of an act

Think about it

The thought behind every action counts

The Siblings

On my birthday that evening,
I had to work late.

My little sister came,
surprising me with a big handmade card.

Inside she wrote of
how much I meant to her,
and how much she will miss me,
when I eventually get married and leave the house.

My little sister
is a very important part of my life,
ever since she was born.

She is like my very own daughter.

We are twelve years apart,
yet we have always been close.

I once dreamt
that we were in the midst of war,
and I couldn't find her anywhere.

I woke up with my pillow very damp that night,
and went over to her several times,
making sure she was alright.

I shared a room with my little sister,
we have a love-hate relationship.

As much as we both love
to have the room all by ourselves,
we would miss the presence of the other
whenever one is not around.

I once cat-fought with her
over the timing for lights-off.

Imagine me
fighting with someone twelve years younger.

As much as I dislike her bad temper,
I love her for the occasional sweetness.

I too have a love-hate relationship with my brother,
he is three years younger.

When we were younger,
we used to fight every day.

I vividly remember once,
he took a plastic piano and hit hard on my head.

I went to Mother,
who asked us to go fight it out if we dare.

I remembered how much I hated my brother,
I felt he was much more loved because of his gender.

There were times I loved him too,
I once used up all my pocket money to buy him
a pair of barbie doll's shoes.

As we grow older,
my brother has been a pillar of support,
whenever I could not take it anymore.

He plays dual role,
a pest and a clown whenever he tries to irritate us;
and a source of strength and objectivity
whenever we needed it.

He audaciously took off for Melbourne on my birthday,
and called back to send his "regrets" and wishes.

On this birthday,
I feel blessed with my siblings.

No matter how much we quarrel and fight,
at the end of the day,
we are still close as peas.

And I know this will be so,
even when we all have our own family eventually.

I love them,
and I know they me.

年纪大了一点

29 的今天，

对自我了解多一点，

对别人看清多一些。

了解了在爱人面前，

无法控制地变成小霸王。

要不是另一半不离不弃，

绝口不提分手，

恐怕离离合合数十次。

看清了许多人，

好人、奸人、泛泛之交、朋友。

感激身边所有真诚的人，

真挚的友谊，亲情和爱人。

谢谢你们。

haven

something about today
touched me deeply

could it be
your planned birthday spa surprise
or the way you place me before yourself
could it be

something about today
touched me deeply

i saw a man
who will do anything for me
who take my happiness as his
who promise to be there forever
and will be there for ever

something about today
touched me deeply
so deeply i feel safe and happy

吉日与否

是由谁决定的？

是你吗，

那个拿着通书的？

是他吗，

那个算我们生辰八字的？

还是那些无谓无聊唯恐天下不乱的人，

凭着一张嘴到处说，

这个日子冲谁，

那个时辰冲谁？

我不知道你们的说法，

谁最正确。

我只知道，

我从小读书考试考到大学毕业，

从来没有算日子。

没有在吉日吉时结婚，

后果要我们自负，

是一种诅咒吗？

我只知道，

在吉日结婚最后离婚的人，

大有人在。

结婚应该是一件快乐的事。

我们忙着工作，忙着找酒店，

忙着找婚纱店，忙着找房子，

已忙得不可开交了。

难道就不能

让我们日子好过一些吗？

我母亲教我，

婚姻是否幸福，

是由两个人决定的。

如果吉日真的可以决定什么，

它决定了大家的关系，

因它而变质。

启

筹备婚礼，

是婚姻的一场预备课。

所有的分歧开始浮现，

彼此的缺点更加明显。

然而，

两人必须一起走过。

从分歧找到体谅和了解，

从缺点找到无尽的包容，

无私的爱。

你我都不完美。

但，

愿我们能在爱中，

填补彼此的不完美，

然后这样过很久很久。

谢谢你为我做的一切。

我爱你。

启程

2010年 10月 9日

Being

from behind
your arms wrapped my body
as it coughed violently

and you patted my back
so gently as if trying
to take away all discomfort

as i lay against your chest
i thought of all that you are to me

and i hope i will be
as Mdm Kwa is to MM Lee

中秋

在电脑前呆了近半小时

写了，删除

又再写，又删除

脑袋装满了很多思绪

却完全无法表达

我没有不好

只是些许无奈

今晚没看到月圆

也没有团圆

楼下玩着灯笼和蜡烛的孩子

传来的阵阵欢笑声

却提醒着要惜福

中秋节快乐

记得要惜福哦

We will be fine.

We are all trying to

make sense of our experiences.

Some go to fortune tellers,

some understand them from religious teachings,

others bank a good 3K on Life Coaching.

We are all trying to

make a better life based on our experiences.

Some change their names believing it will bring a smoother future,

some attempt to change their entire attitude and outlook,

others do what they believe they ought to do

and pray hard.

My experiences for the past few years brought me a lot of fear.

At the same time,

I was lavished with love

and heartfelt appreciation towards Life itself.

There is nothing more we can do

to show how much we cherish our lives,

than to immerse ourselves in every possible moment

of happiness and bliss.

Hence I refuse to be beaten by fear.

If anything were to come,

it will come.

There is nothing much I can do about it,

for life is such that you can only expect the unexpected.

Instead of fearing for it,

I want to embrace what I have now.

And I shall live with the knowledge

that I have done what I can do.

The rest is up to my faith.

This post serves as a reminder,

of what is really important to be focused on.

I have much to be afraid of,

but being afraid isn't going to bring me anywhere.

I need to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel,

and believe that light is not too far away.

We will all hang in there and be happy about it, won't we?

We will be fine.

On the bright side

we will always look towards.

For you and me,

to December, to April.

Endure,

Never lose vision,

Stand tall.

照片在说话

谢谢你们。

你们是我继续

还在这里的原因。

死亡

有些事
不能想太多

一想多了
就会钻牛角尖
裹足不前

那天洗澡间
想起了母亲和弟弟
谈起身边一些人的离去

莫名其妙
想起了自己的死亡
有莫名其妙一阵恐惧来袭
令人骤然感觉呼吸

立刻阻止自己
不让继续向下去
然后深呼吸再深呼吸

就一个念头
事情可以瞬间变得极端

若能及时拉得住自己
控制莫名的情绪
就能继续如常过着生活

若没有那种理智去控制
黑暗的思绪就会像毒药
缓缓侵入每一寸身体
最后悲惨结局

不知道为什么要写这个
只是那瞬间那恐惧是多么的真实
真实得仿佛会把真正的生活吞噬

人如此脆弱 如此坚强

我明白了自己的脆弱
所以要将之包裹
然后正面地坚强地面对生活

I live because I am dying.

I learn to cherish my life
and live it with my heart and soul
because one fateful day I know
I will be dying.

And when that day comes
may I have no regrets
on this life I have lived.

我一直这么想着

来之安之

多事的周末

为眼睛愁了一阵

原来白慌

莫名其妙病了一场

至今没好

看到了的为之心动

皮包或许会更加心痛

Empty vessels

It's definitely Mind over Matter for me.

I don't Mind,

for whatever shit you created

do not Matter.

Sometimes I wish I have this switch to shut you up.

Ponder

Is it right

to continue stay

in that very place

where so many things irk

you to your core

making you want

to swear off and kick-ass?

明白

CS 被派出国公干，

整个周末都不在新加坡。

离开后一整天，

一直都没收到他任何消息，

发了几则简讯也没有任何回应。

原以为他应该在忙，

所以没有打电话打扰；

可是到了很晚都还是没有他的消息，

我开始心急。

打给他的手机，

发现手机是关上的。

这时我真的慌了，

我已完全无法联络上他。

脑子里充满着混乱的思绪，

到底该怎么办，究竟发生了什么事？

不久电话响了，

是 CS。

他还在工作，

还没有回酒店。

原来 CS 手机不知为何，

一直收不到我发送出的简讯；

也不知为何我一直没法打进。

我话还没说出口，

就哭成了一团，久久无法恢复。

这件事，

让我深刻明白了一些事。

若有人再问我，

why him?

Because I realised,

I can no longer live without him.

每一年的今天

永远一起...

继续

从前有个小孩

为了寻找更美好的旅途

他试图探入沿途看似更加美好的分歧路

小心翼翼地勇敢着

就算得与毒蛇猛兽大战一番

弄得自己遍体鳞伤

就算最后发现必须往回走

枉费一番精神和精力后

他从不沮丧

或放弃美好的寻觅

因为他知道

这些路不算白走

因为他相信

而且会更加努力

迈向理想的向往

我深爱着如这小孩一般的

就犹如他深爱着心爱的人

为了她乐观勇敢前进

Changing for the better

I am a rather careful eater.

I always try to think through
what I am putting into my mouth
before I act upon it.

However sometimes when the mind gets so tired,
it is not in the right stage to think about such things,
especially when the stomach is simply yearning for food.

Hence I ended up eating instant and processed foods,
mostly at the end of the day.

Recently I have been rather inspired
by CS who always tries to make salads for work,
some colleagues who have really sumptous home-made salads for lunch,
and The Book: The Amazing Adventures of the Diet Girl.

You know, I love salads. :)

I simply love the taste and smell of fresh vegetables,
best with cheese and ham.

But I reckon that making salads at night or in the morning
are not quite possible given the weariness at those time of the day.

So today I changed my diet a little,
having salad for dinner. :)

So far everything was great,
except for that cheap smokey ham my Mom bought.
The after-taste was quite unbearable for me.
Nevertheless, it was a good start.

Tomorrow onwards,
I shall move on to another chapter
of my gastronomy journey.

My usual wholemeal bread for breakfast,
a full lunch with minimial carbohydrates,
salad for dinner, with plenty of fruits in-between.

I am so looking forward to sticking to it,
and shopping for my salad input with CS every weekend.

Kudos to good health and a happy mind!

Health Log [8 July 2010]

Have not been updating for awhile,
a lot has happened, while plenty still have not.

In my last post regarding my health,
I think I vaguely mentioned that I have been seeking
the help of Traditional Chinese Medical Practice
at 中华医院, Chung Hwa Medical Institution.

That was in April, I think,
after that traumatic gastroscope found nothing.

Now 4 months has passed by,
I am still going to the clinic for my weekly dosage of TCM,
and I felt so much better.

All TCM doctors at the clinic asked me
if I was under tremendous stress,
and I wonder what stress are they talking about.

The stress was a few years ago,
yes, damn stressful.

But now, it's just weariness.

Went for my throat review at the voice clinic on Tuesday,
Doc did another scope down the throat,
and commented the swelling has gone down,
though still a little red and sore.

I told them I went TCM
after that fateful day they decided to let me go
without telling what's going on, and no medication given.

They looked grim,
as if I have gone to the dark side.

Nevertheless,
they gave me another appointment in December,
just to make sure everything is really going well.

I am so grateful for TCM,
despite the fact that all doctors look like
the aunties and uncles you find in the wet market.

I feel so supported during this trying period,
and seeing them every week makes me feel that
I am not alone in this battle against my body ailment.

Met up with Xuan some time after I came back from Japan,
she was seeing TCM too, to build up general health.

We both agreed that we are really getting old.

Yes, OLD.

As I am typing away,
my kneecap and other joints of my body
take turns to act up.

For the past few days,
I have been taking the supplements "Glucosamine"
I bought for my Mom.

Mind you, I have not had a baby yet.

I really need to take good care,
so that life wouldn't be so tough when I get pregnant.

CS has been going lengths for a healthier body as well.

He has been making salads lunchbox for lunch,
and running every day.

He says he wants to be strong strong for me. ^_^

I want to be strong strong as well.

Thank God for all the things that go well.

We will work harder for all the things that did not.

Nuisance

We were strolling in the bus interchange towards the queue,

when we saw this couple standing at the side of a pillar.

"What do you want me to do?

If you want, my mother can give us her room."

The man was heard saying.

Another couple frustrated about accomodation,

I told CS.

This morning came the news that,

our Finance Minister wants to shape Singapore,

into one of the most liveable cities in the world.

I am amused.

If so many couples who are intending to get married,

aren't able to find an affordable and immediate place to live in,

how liveable is Singapore exactly?

It makes me angry,

when politicians, ministries and people up there in general,

make statements without really getting to know the truth out there.

So many examples of such nowadays,

I wonder who are really for the citizens at all.

Dear God

As much as the future cannot be seen with much clarity,

I am not about to dwell and despair.

That better future I dream and pray of,

I will work and fight hard for.

I know CS will as well.

It's not another beginning,

neither the end;

but simply part of my journey.

Whatever happens next,

I will understand that it meant to be part of my journey.

May I have the strength, faith and positivity,

to go through it and emerge as a stronger, better and happier person.

May I go the distance like the flowing river.

Flowing through

Be like the flowing river,

Silent in the night.

Be not afraid of the dark.

If there are stars in the sky,

reflect them back.

If there are clouds in the sky,

Remember,clouds,like the river,are water.

So,gladly reflect them too,

In your own tranquil depths.

~~ Manuel Bandeira ~~

驿站

2010年6月5日，

前往叫东京的城市。

出发前一晚睡得很不好，

然而隔天仍带着愉快的心情。

越来越不给旅行，

盖上许多沉重的寻觅意义，

旅行未必能真正让人寻找到失去。

然而我仍热爱到处走走，

那是一种无法形容的感动。

当你从毫无概念到一个完整的旅程，

然后从中发现了许多美丽意外，

在现有的计划中改变再改变，

在意见不合时商量再商量，

然后越来越顺利，

越来越契合。

东京之旅，

不完美但很动人，

仿佛为心灵洗涤了一番。

因为令人感动的人，

才能谱出美丽的旅程。

毅

We can't change it. We just have to decide how we'll respond.

---- Randy Pausch "The Last Lecture" ----

那就不要无止尽地害怕

所有可能会发生的坏事

因为它未必会发生

倘若真的发生了

我要学习平静毋躁去处理

让伤害减到最低

我要好好照顾自己

我不允许残缺

破坏了活着的乐趣

十

自言

有时

我看不见未来

是什么样子

沮丧

但沮丧没有用

所以我必须记得

以前我也不曾预见

现在会这个样子

我很怀念

以前美好的

完整无缺的

盈眶

但盈眶没有用

所以我只能继续

努力着寻找着

不放弃这个残缺

Disappointments

What good is a relationship

if it cannot be based on trust?

Any relationship at all.

I feel really very tired and sick.

My stomach is churning again.

Maybe I will throw up again tonight.

Reflections

I mustn't be selfish.

Verdict

I cannot say I was disappointed,

I was not expecting anything really.

At most,

I was merely planning what needs to be done,

if THAT really falls upon me.

I gave CS a long hug,

whil he read on.

Perhaps it is for the best.

To have THAT happening for the next 2 years,

and then perhaps marriage and children all at the same time,

is something that takes a lot to handle,

for the both of us.

I will still continue to path a way.

Whatever the outcome,

it will be for the better,

whether known or unknown to me.

To us.

Long weekend

Thank you for spending your free days,

running around with me,

doing my errands and fulfilling my responsibilities.

It meant a lot,

that you are always there.

And I promise to be good,

no more tantrums and unreasonable requests.

But you must promise,

never to play vanish again.

为了未来

最近很忙。

许多事同时在筹备进行着，

然后期待着天时地利人和。

尽管有时深感疲惫，

但仍非常盼望一件件事情落实，

那一天的到来。

Put to a stop

Alright,

I admit that my negativity is swelling

to the extent that it can so easily drown me.

From now on,

I am going to chill and take things one at a time.

Anymore shits and arrows shall be consume within,

crumpled and spat out on the very person who aimed me.

And for everything else I cannot control,

I shall abandon to the divine providence.

Om.....

Need to buy more clothes and workout more for better expulsion.

Ramblings

Today,

someone wrote in to compliment me.

I was a little emotional

after reading the forwarded email from my superior.

It came at a time,

when going to work feels like a drag,

though it does get better during work.

This should have come more often,

these sort of compliments,

not just to me, but to all my other colleagues,

who have worked as hard, and are as weary as I am.

I am not sure why,

but I am at a stage where I feel strongly,

that there should be an end to all these.

That day there was a VIP group coming,

their agenda was to review the Staff Welfare,

and we were briefed on what they will be touching on.

Disappointingly,

none of it is for our welfare.

Well-hidden behind those kind words "Staff Welfare",

is training, training and training.

We train you for your welfare.

This is the message I get.

Of course,

training is important for any working person.

But before you talk about training,

did you think in the shoes of others?

Working from 7am to 3pm non-stop,

and training from 3pm to 6pm,

is not effective at all.

We are human,

and we are tired,

because our job is not a desk-bound job,

that allows you to walk away for toilet breaks or tea breaks,

when you badly needed one.

Do you know that we sometimes

do not have time for proper breakfast and lunch?

I feel really sick of those bureaucratic talks and replies.

It's the same with MBT.

It's now about 2 months after his policies came out,

and did they work?

No.

Prices are still rocket-high,

and market is still as hot as it was.

I went to 中华医院 that day to get a 2nd opinion on my health.

Doc felt my pulse

and asked me if I am under tremendous stress.

Frankly,

I don't know what is stress anymore.

Wanting out but needing the monies,

not getting a flat but the clock is ticking,

and turmoils after turmoils after turmoils.

I feel sick.

But I am alright.

I have love to pull me through,

and I believe that if I do my part,

He will do the rest.

Dear God

It's been a long time.

Please let this be settle once and for all,

and grant all LOVED ones strength, clarity,

and most importanly of all,

Peace.

Pui

Ok. It matters

Not in the sense that I am ambitious,

but the extra monies certainly will give boost to (short-term) morale.

And also you will sort of expect it,

when you given so much sh** and doing so much beyond your duty.

But oh no,

this is not the case.

This is INDEED an awakening call.

I should run, hide and chill out,

whenever arrows ever come running around again.

If "quality" people like Beanie can go up,

then I should seriously learn more from her.

嗮

幸福不可以到处嗮

幸福不可以到处嗮

幸福不可以到处嗮

但是我真的感觉很幸福。

不论周日过得如何坏，

总有周末可以期待。

然后期待六月，

期待樱花或许会奇迹般盛开，

还有大选后或许更明朗的未来。

此时许多事正在等待，

等待对的时机，来一段与众不同的精彩。

致巫顺昌校长

敬爱的巫校长，

事情过了那么久，却一直没有机会向您道谢，直到今早父亲从报纸上读到您过世的消息，心中一股惋惜和难过。

16年前，我因会考成绩一分之差，无法进入中学的特别班（Special Stream)，修读高级华文，感到非常绝望。当时您对我们说，只要这两年内，在选科前，我们能够以成绩证明给您看我们的能力，你就会破例将我们升上特别班。

因为您这句话，我在中一、中二非常努力地读书。中二那年，您真的让我升上了特别班。很可惜，那年我家搬迁到红茂桥，因为路程太远，无法继续在圣公会读完中学。当我报读圣尼格拉时，她们因担心我拉下那里的会考成绩，不允许我修读特别班。后来我和母亲拿着您的一封公函，等候了许久，终于与李宝丝校长见面，提出要求。她说，如果我要读特别班，就要重考他们中二的考试，以圣尼格拉的水准，证明我的能力。于是，我花了一个星期，每天到圣尼格拉考试，最终进入了特别班，修读高级华文。

巫校长，这件事让我明白了校长的权利只至于他/她自己。如果当年你为了学校排名，不肯给我们这些在会考中摔倒的学生机会，一直把我们压在普通班，以圣尼格拉和教育部的制度，我是不可能有机会到特别班去修读高级华文。如此一来，我也不可能以高级华文的优异成绩进入初级学院，然后进入大学，大学毕业。

如果没有进入特别班，没有修读高级华文，我不会在现在这个位置。

巫校长，谢谢您。

谢谢您，不计较学校排名，处处为学生着想。

我很幸运，遇到您这么一位好校长；也很感慨，现今社会多么缺乏像您一样的校长。

整个教育制度已正在企业化。每个六、七年换一次校长的制度，让许多学生无法对学校产生长久的感情（因为每次回去，都见到不同的面孔），也让校长向“前”看。

六、七年，无法搞出什么教育，所以只能看奖项，看排名，看成绩。这样的状况，令人感到惋惜。

巫校长，想再次对您说声谢谢。

我会在任职期间，尽我的一份绵力，延续您对教育的态度，但愿能如您一样，为迷失的孩子，引出一条正路。

臭屁马

在 "谷歌" 时读到的一篇。

Mah Bow Tan claims that HDB flats remain “affordable” and asks Singaporeans to buy a flat “within their means”
January 14, 2010

For the second time in a month, National Development Minister Mr Mah Bow Tan had reassured Singaporeans again that “HDB is committed to ensuring a sufficient supply of new flats and keeping flats affordable, especially for those setting up their first home.” in a written reply to a question from Madam Ho Geok Choo (West Coast GRC).

Two weeks ago, Mr Mah admitted he had been “caught off guard” by the sky-rocketing prices of resale HDB flats which hit a record high in June last year, fueled partly by the relentless influx of foreigners into Singapore.

Below is a graph illustrating how the rise in the prices of resale flats coincides with the rise in the number of foreigners in Singapore between the years 2000 and 2008, courtesy of Kojakbt, the moderator of 3in1kopitiam:

(See here: http://politics.sgforums.com/forums/10/topics/388014)


Due to the ruling party’s liberal immigration policy, foreigners now made up 36 per cent of Singapore’s population, up from 14 per cent in 1990. According to Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng, there are over 20,000 new citizens and 90,000 PRs last year.

As PRs are permitted to buy resale HDB flats in Singapore, their rising numbers had led to an increase in demand for public housing. Propnex CEO Mohamad Ismail estimated that 20 per cent of the buyers of HDB resale flats are PRs. Another real estate agency, C&H quoted a figure as high as 50 per cent.

PRs frequently “spoil” the market by overpaying for HDB flats. An Indonesian PR paid an astonishingly high price of $653,000 for a 4-room resale flat in Queenstown when he could well afford a private apartment. As the prices of new flats are pegged to that of resale flats in the vicinity, this led indirectly to the high launching prices of the Dawson project in Queenstown a few months later.

Despite Mr Mah’s repeated claims that there is “adequate” supply of HDB flats to meet public demand, it appears that his ministry had failed to plan ahead for Singapore’s increased population now a few years ago as evident from the housing statistics provided by HDB in its financial report for FY2008/09.

(See here: http://politics.sgforums.com/forums/10/topics/388014)

[Source: HDB Financial Report 2008/2009]

As we can see from the above figures, the number of flats built by HDB for the last three years average about 3,ooo plus a year which is way below the number in the preceding 5 years.
55,515 flats were built between 2001 – 2005, or an average of about 11,000 flats a year. From 1996 – 2000, 158,621 flats were built.

Why are there fewer flats built when the rate of immigration was increased during the same period of time between 2006 – 2008?

It doesn’t take an economist to figure out that the rising demand for public housing in the face of limited supply of flats will lead to inflation in prices with some first-time home buyers missing out on their choice of flats or being priced out of the market altogether.
In two recent sale exercises of BTO and balance flats, they were more than 10 times over-subscribed, an indication of the severity of the housing shortage on the ground.

(See here: http://politics.sgforums.com/forums/10/topics/388014)

[Source: HDB Financial Report 2008/2009]

We can see from the above table that there were 9,870 bookings for new flats for only 3,183 units completed in 2008.

Mr Mah also said that “the onus is on Singaporeans to play their part by buying a home within their means.” He had previously castigated first time home buyers who have been complaining about not being able to get a flat of their choice for being “choosy”.

Quoting the affordability benchmark of 30 per cent used frequently by HDB to show that HDB flats remain affordable to ordinary Singaporeans, Mr Mah said a family with a monthly income of $3,000 can buy a flat worth up to $250,000 and spend only 30 per cent of their income every month on the mortgage.

“Similarly, a family with a monthly income of $4,000 can afford to buy a new flat worth up to $333,000 without spending more than 30 per cent a month on the mortgage. This means they can comfortably buy any of the flats offered in the latest BTO projects this month,” he added.
However, Mr Mah fails to take into account the bank interest rates and inflation over the years which will lead eventually to the family spending more than 30 per cent of their monthly income on the mortgage.

Furthermore, after depleting their entire CPF for these over-priced 99-year leasehold HDB flats, they will have little or no savings left for their retirement.

It appears that Mr Mah and his colleagues are unable to comprehend the hardships and sufferings of ordinary Singaporeans, especially first-time home buyers who are under great stress to afford a roof over their heads.

In an earlier statement, Mr Mah even urged home buyers to be “realistic” in their expectations of public housing saying that HDB cannot meet all expectations of home buyers even though the standard of housing has increased over the years.

Singaporeans are paying Mr Mah’s unrealistic salary for him to come out with such unrealistic statements. Perhaps the ruling party should be more realistic of their expectations in the next GE as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

大快人心!

Dedicated to Mr NEO

Heard this song over the radio,

and thought it is so apt for you.

A round of applause for all that drama,

you are probably a better actor than in all your movies.

We can see now you are fine,
for you are gaining strength to "BE" the victim again,
and your wife has publicly announced she has forgiven you as well.

Then perhaps you would like to focus on your children,
and not just throw them to some counsellors,
as if THEY are the one with problems.

If you must, please continue to apologise,
however they can never see you in the same light.

How do I know?

I am a daughter too.

Health Log [8th March 2010]

I know some of you have been waiting for this post.

Thank you for your concern :)
It never fails to warm the heart.

Just to recap,
I went for a most traumatic scope
on the 26th February 2010,
and I came out alive and badly traumatised.

So today, I went for the results of my biospy,
the test on the sample of my stomach
that they scrap out during the endoscope.

Doc says he found nothing wrong with me.

Nothing,
not even a sign of severe acid reflux.

I told him I don't know what to think,
after all that hassle, tests and to-and-fro,
the results are the same:

I am pretty healthy in the eyes of the specialists.

He said that different people have different tolerance of acid.

Some have high volume of acid reflux,
but they dont feel it;
others have just minor reflux,
yet their sensitivity towards this is higher.

Hence I might have a more sensitive upper tract,
leading to discomfort now and then.

He discontinued my medication,
and gave me a 1-year open date,
just in case.

Following that,
I went to the next floor to the voice clinic.

I told my speech therapist what the Gastro specialist said.

She smiled, and said just as she predicted.

She told me she saw many like me,
that have negative results for the gastro endoscope,
yet truly suffering from the symptoms that I experienced.

She then scheduled me for a throat endoscope,
which she said was different from the ENT scope I have done earlier.

This scope, she explained,
will be able to allow the doctor to see clearer
what is going on in the throat.

If there are still signs of inflammation due to acid reflux,
the doctor might prescribe me other types of acid reflux medication,
other than omoprezole.

Really,
this entire episode of scopes and scopes,
tires me out completely.

But I do want to be positive about it.

Perhaps I should just take it that,
I am doing a complete checkup,
on my Heart, Stomach, Nose and Throat.

I feel old already,
having gone through all these.

Hope that the scope will be my last and final one.

I shall take heart, and be strong.

欣慰

今早在办公室的外发现这个。

来自去年最恼人的一班。

也是最对我念念不忘的一班。

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be.

For my unconquerable soul,
in the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance,
my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
looms but the horror of the shade.

And yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.



~~~ William Ernest Henley ~~~

Clouded

It may be a blessing in disguise after all.


Please never forget the lesson learnt years ago.


Be strong, take heart.


And do not let tears fall so easily again.

领悟

我总是高估了自己。

以为只是插只管子入喉咙入胃而已，

既然都能忍受从鼻子插管照喉，

就应该可以承受其他。

那原来是一件极为难受的事，

犹如被哽着了差点儿窒息而死。

我很茫然，

当一切结束后，

周遭的护士与医生都若无其事。

一分钟前，

我还躺在床上，插着管子，

被四位护士抓着，

手脚不断拼命挣扎。

后来护士说我可以走了。

走到外面，

一看见等待的 CS，

我哭了。

我一直哭，一直哭。

我从来不曾有过如此害怕的感觉。

我从来不曾那么怕死。

我从来不曾如此清楚地意识到，

我高估了自己。

虎年快乐

最近对写网志有些意兴阑珊。

生活太多事情，须处理和安排，

尤其今年农历新年来得特别早。

下个星期会去照胃，

抽细胞出来化验探究竟，

想在六月前了了这桩心事。

间中忙着安排日本之行，

到处找资料看房子等待大选，

为将来事业的方向努力争取，

还有，还有许多有的没的。

尽管忙碌，

但仍是愉快的。

但愿最终（年尾），

能幸运找到心仪的家，

能成功转换工作环境，

能恢复健康的体魄。

去年的最后一天过得不好，

但至少今年的第一天开始，

感觉一切都在好转当中。

我会加油。

也请大家一起加油。

Lunar New Year tradition

in my family,
is to make WAR on new year eve.

Both parents
will be pissed off and frustrated
at every single thing.

And then black faces,
and then the worse possible language,
and then we end having the worse dinner of the year.

What's the point, really?

It never fails to leave me
with a distaste for the Lunar New Year
every single year.

I am so going to make things simple,
when I have a home of my own.

To hell with traditions,
if that means having to be on each other's nerves.

Happy lunar new year,
we will see how happy we can get tomorrow.

To believe

If man fulfills his part,

God will do the rest.

~~~~ Father de Caussade ~~~~

迫不及待

处于一种期待状态。

期待2月26日赶快到来，

期待那管子下喉下胃照明白，

快快将抽样的化验结果讲白。

这大半年的煎熬已经够了，

是时候给我一个结果。

给我一个结果，

然后教我应该怎么做。

我会好好听话，

我答应袮，答应你，答应自己，

不再让身体受委屈。

唔聽放

适当的计较，

是一种自我保护。

过分的计较，

只会让人觉得你是个泼妇。

那张嘴脸，

冷嘲热讽的口吻，

加上特别刺耳的声调，

当头的都不跟你计较了，

你的得寸进尺却让人觉得可笑。

都已老大不轻了，

若还向那些幼稚的小朋友一样，

把顶嘴抵抗当作好玩，

那真的应该去照照镜子，

检讨检讨，

Rock'n Roll 的 style

2010年的第一个月，

过得很累很努力。

但是仍能在其中，

找到乐趣。

上个星期六，

看了卢广仲的音乐会，

感染了卢广仲的 Rock'n Roll 的精神。

真的很喜欢他。

知道吗，

在杂乱苦闷的日子里，

寻找活着的理由和乐趣，

也是一种 Rock'n Roll 的 style :)

加油噢，广仲。

加油噢，太阳。

加油噢，蓝月。

Friday evening

I brisk-walk / run 2.4km at YCK Stadium.

So far I have been keeping the resolution

to work-out at least once a week.

And I am still on my daily sit-ups (I try to) and weekend yoga routine.

Haven't run so much since the Pink Ribbon Walk last year,

and I have to admit I still prefer swimming to running.

Nevertheless, it provides a good alternative.

I will keep it up.

One at a time

Year 2010

January Week 1 Friday : Swam

Emotions : Proud of oneself

Side-note :

YCK Swimming Complex is getting dirtier and noisier.

Makes me miss Pure Yoga a little.

Health Log [7 Jan 2010]

It's been awhile since I update this.

In short, I went for another ENT appointment over the holidays.
An older doctor did another scope,
told me my voice box was badly swollen,
my sinus still obstructed,
continued to prescribe me Omeprezolle (which I deemed useless),
and added an anti-cold medication
to hopefully ease the irritation caused by the mucus.

I was then referred to a Speech Therapist and Gastrologist.

Today I went for my first session with the Speech Therapist.
And to be honest, I was skeptical.

But the session opened my eyes
to the professionalism of a Speech Therapist.

She first showed me photos of what were taken
when the scope was done on me 3 weeks ago,
explained to me the parts that were swollen,
its possible causes and problems,
and showed me the movement of my throat when I speak.

She then asked me to speak into a microphone,
recording sounds she asked me to make.

She told me I had a what they would called
a lou-feng aka husky aka "sexy" voice.

This shows that my throat does not fully close when it should be,
hence my body try to compensate by reacting negatively,
contracting the throat muscles, trying to close that "gap",
creating much tension.

She gave me a list of To-Dos and Not-To-Dos,
and then taught me a few voice exercises to correct the problem.

She told me that I needed at least 5 sessions to correct this problem,
that is if I am hardworking enough to do the exercises faithfully every day.

She gave me hope all over again.

I can't wait to see the gastro specialist,
and get to the root of the problem.

I really pray that this episode ends in 2010.

Period.

I asked myself

What is the worst possible scenario?

Losing my voice all over again,

and not being able to do what my profession requires of me.

And having the entire episode coming back repeatedly

What can you do if that really happens?

See doctor.

I have an appointment with Gastro Specialist next Monday.

Does it help? I do not know.

I have been seeing so many doctors,

yet I still do not feel well.

I do not want to lose faith,

but sometimes I wish I can just get it done and over with.

I am very sick of not being well.

My throat, my voice, the stuck-in-the-throat feeling,

and sometimes unwelcome palpitation and breathlessness.

Damn, I am not dying, yet it's torturing the hell out of me.

I am frightened.

I am so scared, yet I so badly need to compose myself.

What can I do?

I can only hold on to sheer faith and pray,

and believe in the next doctor

who would probably give me the same kind of medication

that did not helped at all.

I am scared that

I might not be able to do classroom teaching anymore

if this continues.

Is it of any use to be scared and frightened

of the uncertainty ahead?

Actually this is a question CS would often ask me,

whenever I tell him my fear.

No, it is of no use,

therefore I must hang in there.

If I can survive from August 09 till now,

I can continue to hang in there,

till they do the scope to find out what's going on inside,

and give me some solutions.

From there,

I will see what I can do.

It's not life-threatening, definitely.

It's just always there to ruin my day.

I need to learn to accept its existence,

and live with it till I can eventually rid it.

I am fine.

I am just scared.

当下。计划 2010

之前写到：

I have accomplished nothing this year

后来发现，

其实不尽然。

http://mybluelittlenotebook.blogspot.com/2009/01/now-09.html

尽管2009过得比较辛苦，

但仍做了许多自己喜欢的事。

我知道，

今年一定会更好。

当下。Now 2010

计划。WIP 2010

蓝月，要加油噢！

And a little poem for reminder

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

~~ Mother Teresa ~~

For 2010

RESOLUTIONS

1. Free myself from the current situation before the year ends.
2. Find the cause and solution(s). And get well.
3. Travel.
4. House.
5. Stay physically active.