祈福

2008 充满着起落。

一生所坚信的，

被背叛、打破。

三年前不再相信的，

被爱捡起、重获。

我越来越相信生命的无常，

所以越来越珍惜拥有的现在。

因为珍惜，

所以不会轻易放弃。

昨天和 Z 的对话让我深思。

我们总是埋怨过程的艰难、他人的不足，

却忘了最终的目的地。

2009 我要用心，

好好照顾家人、爱人、自己。

I want to be stronger,

physically, mentally & emotionally,

so that I can to bear their vulnerable upon my small shoulders.

I want to be kinder & more considerate,

to those around me.

I want to laugh more & cry less.

2009年，

我仍然要过得充实、快乐。

生命只有一次，28岁只有一年，

我不想懒惰、麻木、白活。

但愿这一年，

平安、幸福、美满。

Ramblings

One thing,

don't take things for granted.

Love, patience, efforts,

or anything that a close one takes pain to give,

but in your eyes it might not even be anything.

Sometimes it gives me heartache,

to see one being nonchalent about these.

And there is so much that I can't do about it,

that I can only pathetically express the pains here.

Alright, back to myself.

I seriously need to sleep earlier.

1 am is bad,

very very bad.

It's bad for my health, my eyes,

and my biological clock.

I'm starting to feel dry in the eyes easily,

and nightmares about being late for work,

came to play these couple of nights.

To wake up at 5.00am is horrible.

Doesn't help that I've been waking up,

at 11am these days.

I need to do better than this,

before the new year starts.

I need to stop worrying about others,

about whatever I cannot control,

and start afresh on myself.

M-Y-S-E-L-F.

That's probably the most powerful thing,

I have control over.

I have a great break.

I just need to get myself warmed up,

for a great year ahead.

满满

我是多么幸运，

我有你。

保佑我们

睡得很不好。

好不容易睡着时，

很可怕的一场梦又把我惊醒。

这才发现原来，

你在我心目中已被贬到，

一个很低的位置。

你永远不会知道，

你对我所造成的伤害和困扰。

即使一切真的平息了，

我或许也无法再像以往那么看你。

梦里梦外，

若你的行为举止，

再度伤害我所爱的人，

我会不惜一切，

保护他们。

I dictate

Felt good to make decision
that makes you feel good afterwards.

It meant that
the right decision is being made.

I have decided,
after the long walk home
yesterday.

It was all too idealistic,
when I first think about it.

In reality when all sets in,
my enthusiasm will only be crushed
by the weariness having to wake up,
in the wee hours of 5.15am.

Crazy days are happening very soon,
in less than 3 weeks.

I am not scared,
I just want to be prepared.

Not being committed to THAT,
meant 2 things.

I can spend more on
other neccessity & luxuries.

I need to commit to
my personal workout routine.

Whatever it is,
I will do it.

For myself,
for my health.

My take

很多事，

我喜欢弄清楚了，

才去决定是否要进行。

请不要尝试蒙骗我，

画了幅美景，

试图隐藏其中的黑暗。

我必须明确知道自己的位置，

面对着的到底真正是怎么一回事。

Give me the worst scenario,

I will do my decision & blame on no one.

Do not Ever test my patience with any

Big Fat Lies.

乐活

从曼谷回来后，

不知为何什么事都提不起劲儿。

慵懒地过了一个周末，

躲在家里陪妈妈看《珠光宝气》，

和 CS 看母亲买的《海角七号》，

过后 CS 带我出去吃，

庆祝我们 认识 一周年。

慵懒的周末，

仍洋溢着从曼谷带回来，

散不去的幸福。

这样其实很好，

但我不喜欢太懒散。

今早起床，

忽然想起了工作。

快开工了，

我要整理好心情和身体状态，

好好欢庆圣诞，迎接新年。

明天去 Hot Hour，

让塞住毛孔的汗水全出来，

然后再去想，要不要再签多一年。

我要休息，

不忘运动，不忘工作，

更不忘生活。(:

意义

搭了鼠航中午的班机回来，

但其实不是很想回来。

幸福的时光，

总是眨眼就过去。

旅行的意义，

让我更认识你、认识自己。

如果我们真的可以，

这样一直下去，

我真心希望，

不会像他们那样。

泰国

母亲没事了，

今早还会起来看股票（Teletext）。

而我，

待会儿就飞曼谷了。

母亲没事，

我也会没事，平安返回国。

等我。:)

祈福

中午，

母亲经过医生检查后，

立即入院。

现在正在手术室动手术。

事情太突然，

让人措手不及。

但愿一切无恙，

只不过虚惊一场。

纪念。永远

从小您们就是，

我最大的幸福和快乐。

一直都觉得，

我拥有世界上，

最恩爱的父母，最和睦的家庭。

我希望这永远不会改变。

到我结婚那一天，

到您们抱孙子、抱曾孙那一天。

我爱您们。

祝愿您们，

爱情继续很多个28年。

结婚周年纪念快乐！

Finally

Alright, so as the story goes,

we tried to call a zillion times,

was put on hold for at least an hour every time,

and still NEVER managed to talk to any living soul

from "Tai Gor" Airways.

That got us so excited,

that we went all the way down,

to the infamous Tai Gor town,

to see if they are less Tai Gor,

when dealt with face-to-face.

Alright, I shall not be mean.

It's just that I actually expect more from an airline,

where SIA & Temasek Holdings have a foot in.

I apologise, I am wrong.

The next time I fly,

I will open eyes big big.

So after speaking to the person

we were dying to meet for the entire week,

and after weighing the pros and cons,

We have decided to go ahead with the flight.

Yes, to Bangkok next week.

I will prepare for the worst,

and I will come back alive. :D

Wait for me.

Heavy

I no longer,

look forward to anything anymore.

Just let me know the What,

I will accept it as it is.

It does not feel good.

But I know it will pass.

If that matters

Life is always full of "surprises".

Sometimes you don't even have time to ponder,

which is here to stay and,

which is there to go.

Subsequently,

I stop thinking & anticipating.

You probably do not realised,

sometimes perhaps insignificant to you,

could affect that much.

Thank you for everything.

It brought about a lot of thinking.

The tiger that manages like a mouse

I am writing this in a very peaceful state of mind,

and I find it absolutely ridiculous.

What with Tiger Airways ??

I've been trying to talk to someone,

for the past 1 hour

(5.30pm - 6.30pm, and I'm now still on the phone),

and all I hear is the repetition of songs.

I can't believe SIA,

has anything to do with this airline.

There is absolutely no other means of communication,

only phone, fax & snail-mail!?

Budget or not,

its customer service needs to improve big time.

The Bangkok hotel managed crisis,

much much better than you guys.

我很想说

要维持一段一度破裂的关系，

需要双方很多很多的努力。

首先，

必须收起惯性的恶言恶语。

说出来的话，

或许不是你真正想表达的，

听者却会真正因此而深感受伤。

情感的裂痕没有对错，

因为最终崩溃的关系，

输的是大家。

这必须是一个共识。

两个人必须从零点开始，

咬住舌头不再提往事，

然后从这个破裂点，

一步一步一起修补。

在修补过程中，

忍让是很重要的。

很多习惯和思想，

不是一朝一夕能够改变的。

在发现自己快变成刺猬之前，

一定要马上深呼吸，

然后退到一个无人角落，

等气消了，再出来冷静沟通，

一起解决。

“一起”，很重要。

当两个人的一切，

都不再是“一起”，

空气将会渐渐填满两个人的距离。

两个人一定要真心，

想回到“一起”。

那是最基本的动力。

然后坦诚相对，

一起解决彼此的问题。

那是一段感情的精髓。

在我眼里，

最终这在于你，

到底愿不愿意去努力。

若真正努力后，

还是不能在一起，

那么至少你已经尽力。

Strength

I saw two beautiful stars,

just outside the window, side by side.

And somehow, I was touched.

No matter how bad,

we thought things will be,

we will eventually get over it.

And regardless what comes may,

we will be strong enough,

to stand up once again,

and move on.

May peace be with us.

心系

CS 最近常说，

since it's something we cannot control,

那就不要想太多。

是啊，

太多事我们无法控制。

一切事起，

必有它的原因。

或许事过的以后，

我们才能看清。

不论如何，

我希望一切和平。

你的努力，

不应该只是给我们看而已。

做出来的戏，

会失去了它真正的意义。

弟弟。小飞

凌晨 5 点半，

天未亮。

母亲冲进我们各自的房里，

兴奋地叫我们起床。

一片之星的弟弟，

终于出现于《烈血青春》里。

那是很久很久以前的戏了，

现在周日五点在第八播道放映。

爸妈知道后很兴奋，

每天早上五点爬起来，

等待弟弟的“出现”。

于是全家人都被叫醒了，

趴在爸妈的床上累眼惺忪地，

等待他“现身”。

小时的弟弟样子傻傻的，

跟现在没差。

呵呵。

嗯，不过，

如果可以不用凌晨五点起床，

也能看到以前“精彩”的弟弟。

那该多好。

Please

Let Bangkok be ok...

I so look forward to this trip :(

Let everything be ok,

before the week ends...

The price

Feeling a little drain now,

hence I'm just going to put this down in English,

just to remind myself.

Last night at Klee,

JY & I were talking about birthday presents.

She mentioned that,

women our age would probably throw a fuss,

if their man just buy them a simple NIKE bag,

for their birthday.

I was pretty taken aback.

What is wrong with a NIKE bag?

Actually,

I'm not offended by JY's statement.

Knowing her for so long,

she's just saying what comes into her mind.

It just got me thinking.

I told JY,

I don't grow up in a family,

where such materialism overrides,

the value of the intent to give.

Any present to me is a good present.

It's the person that matters.

I do not see value in a diamond ring,

if this sum of money is more needed for other things.

I think it is a very sad thing,

if your Love is tagged to the value of money.

It is only but,

the tool to get to your means.

It can be earned.

Yet Love,

is rare and precious,

and should be cherished,

with the heart,

not with the money.

Wessex Village

每年我和 JY 至少见面两次。

今年 JY 说带我去吃，

庆祝我生日。

于是昨日，

开着她的车子，

寻找着隐藏岛国内的鲜为人知。

Wessex Village Square

在岛国幽静的角落，

让人感觉仿佛身在异国。

没有喧闹，没有人群，没有压迫。

我们走进了那里的

Pietrasanta - The Italian Restaurant。

后院有许多让人 chill-out 的地方，

还有我最喜欢的“秋千”。

过后，我们去了附近的 Klee 喝酒。

坐在吧台前，

和老友 JY 闲聊，

听着悦耳的蓝调，

看着帅气的调酒师调酒，

人生一大享受。

Ramblings

For some reason,
i feel really worn out,
even after a night of sleep.

It has been a long time,
since I wake up feeling fresh.

These nights,
I would wake up,
in the wee hours,
running a terrible flu.

And then I sleep,
waking up in the next morning,
with the flu again.

I HATE flu,
yet it loves me.

And there's simply nothing,
NOthing at all I can do about it.

I think I should really try to sleep earlier.

My 9.30pm went to 10pm,
and subsequently 10.30pm, 11.00pm,
now 1.30am.

This is real bad.

Doesn't help when,
I have to wake up as early as 5.25am.

I HATE early mornings.

I am not an early-riser.

When I was a baby,
Mother used to tell me,
how I slept till noon every day.

I was the GOOD baby,
who rarely wakes up kicking a fuss,
demanding my milk.

I would rather sleep.

Even now though I just wake up,
I feel like sleeping again.

I think,
I should really get myself together,
and make this whole thing good again.

If I can make a wish...

I wish for peace.

For my beloved family,

for more laughter, happiness & Love.

I wish for strength & faith.

To my love who tries to make things happen,

for a future we dream together.

I wish for growth.

To grow in wisdom and grace,

to do my part & not be a nuisance for a better place.

If I can make a wish,

on my special day,

I wish for us,

to be happy and at ease.

物语

十二朵

Be mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

十一朵

You're my one & only.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

玫瑰的意义。

不同的时期，

同样动人的爱语。

Satisfied

Watch Avenue Q yesterday.

Went without any expectations,

hence was blown away.

Never once thought that puppets,

could perform in such a way.

And those powerful voices.

Have not been watching a lot of plays this year,

however the two I attended,

Vagina Monologues and this,

were satisfying.

I am a happy audience.

And I can't wait for HUAYI.

我喜欢

每天晚上说再见前，

你唱歌给我听。

不知为何，

这让我睡得更安心。

婚姻

昨天中午，

参加了 B 姐的婚礼。

在双方宣誓前，

主持宣誓的牧师说了这么一段话。

How to sustain a marriage.

You need to look deep into each other.

That person is your goal,

do not be distracted by others.

Stay focus on your Goal.

Secondly,

you need to put aside time for your Goal.

Do not just give leftovers.

If you give leftovers,

you will only get leftovers.

Give quality time,

you will get quality love.

重新

No one can go back,

and have a new beginning.

But everyone can start from now,

to make a new ending.

之间发生的乱七八糟，

不重要。

重要的是，

大家都愿意重新开始，

努力创造想要的未来。

遥远

周末，

CS 过来读书，

弟的女友也过来陪太子读书。

母亲于是决定，

在出门前煮好饭菜，

好让我们四人无须担忧两餐。

舀饭时，

发现母亲，

竟然下了十杯米。

取笑母亲说，

那么多白饭，

即使是多了几个孙子，

也未必吃得完。

脑海忽然出现，

母亲抱孙乐的画面。

我想如果有一天，

我们三人都带着孩子，

聚在一起吃母亲煮的饭，

那一定是，

最温馨的句点。

变迁

有时候这会让我，
感到些许沮丧。

如果一个家人需要，
如此衡量仔细利益关系，
那或许某方面已经出了问题。

我无法指责，
那是你教育之弊。

毕竟从你身上，
我学习到了待人为善。

可惜无私的善，
似乎不太能用于家人。

我已经给予了，
我所能给予的。

在很多方面，
我感到相当疲惫、厌倦。

若连你的本分，
也许要我来承担，
我会开始怀疑，
你存在的意义。

当然，
意义不应该，
由贡献来衡量。

但是当家庭的维系，
越来越不落在于你，
那是否代表着，
你其实没有关系？

对不起，
我其实也很爱你。

当人随着环境，
时间的改变，
换了一张脸，

难免令人感伤，
怀念改变前，
美好的家园。

希望

沉浸于您的平静。

犹如清澈的水面，

安逸、透明。

知道吗，

您的情绪牵动着我们。

当您陷入波涛的黑暗，

仿佛也带走了我们的光芒，

就像拒绝出现的太阳。

您是我们的太阳，

给予温暖，

让一切充满希望。

我爱您。

不论多难，

我们会一起渡过，

等待花开，看着天亮。

亲爱的

亲爱的，
昨天我深刻领悟到，
我们再也不是你亲爱的。

言语和行为，
是可以拟造的；
然而无法欺骗的，
是那发自内心的关爱。

他们说，
相由心生。

是不是因为这样，
你看起来越来越不慈爱？

亲爱的，
你要勇敢振作起来。

每件事的发生，
必定有它的原因。

请不要一直执著于，
那把你打倒的负面情绪。

你尝试要把心放宽，
把坏掉的放下，
然后一步步走出这个无底洞。

请不要再伤害自己。

这世上还有很多人，
非常疼爱你。

亲爱的，谢谢你。

谢谢你， 不离不弃。

谢谢你，
让我更明白怎么去爱。

这是一个很好的，
负面教材。

我会更加努力，
履行对你的承诺，
不论发生什么事，
都要沟通清楚。

我会更加努力，
就如你所说，
为你为我，
做一个更好的自己。

我们要不断提醒自己，
“我们”不能只有“自己”。

只有“自己”的我们，
最终只会让“我”走出门。

enough

Sometimes i wish

something will take you far away

just go away

let peace return to us

Next

well...

There is a time for everything.

Since I'm done with whining,

I'm going to move on.

Life doesn't stop here.

So to all the bad,

Goodbye *fingers-crossed*,

and when I do have to see you again,

I'll not repeat the same mistakes.

Om...

抗议

昨天中午，

已经很不舒服。

不知道为什么，

还是逼自己出席那场会议。

身体排斥的物体，

因不方便一直离席，

而硬把它吞了进去。

没想到，

会议特别冗长，

冷气随天气渐寒。

一直到很迟才结束了会议，

好不容易出了去，

又错过了刚离开的巴士。

然后拖着无力的身躯，

上车，转车，走一段远路，

搭拥挤的地铁，又步行了一阵，

才抵达诊所。

在诊所等了很久，

然后又走一段路到巴士总站，

好不容易挤上巴士，又差点儿摔跤。

一整天下来，

我感到无比沮丧。

为什么自己总是如此对待自己。

如果多为自己着想，

一开始就不应该前往会议现场。

半夜梦见中午开的会议，

好像永远不会结束似的，

忽然惊醒。

胸口瞬间发闷，马上冲到浴室，

结果把中午硬吞进肚子的物体，

全吐了出来。

身体忽然开始不停地冒冷汗，

将衣服湿透了。

带着阵阵呕欲，

我在浴室待了将近两个小时。

看到自己这个样子，

我感到很害怕。

这是从来不曾经历过的。

告诉自己，

如果这一次痊愈，

我必须好好善待自己。

我心理总是觉得自己可以，

但身体往往其实早已撑不下去。

懂事

今天做了件疯狂的事。

不知什么力量，

让我拖着无比疲惫的身子，

冲到市中心三大购物商场，

寻找着错过的。

最后还是没有。

然而，

我其实并不觉得会有，

但是我知道若不这样做，

自己不会罢休。

回家途中，感到很累。

收到 CS 从居銮传来的简讯，

眼眶忽然湿湿的。

这件事，

和订曼谷酒店的事，

让我领悟了许多。

或许是最近工作的关系，

令我在生活上对瑕疵的容忍度，

减于零。

我不喜欢这样的自己。

我在工作上想要尽善尽美，

因为那是工作。

我对生活不追求完美，

因为人生本来就不完美。

我觉得，

我需要学习宽容。

对别人宽容，

更对自己宽容。

许多事就算不如人意，

也真的不需要太在意。

我要深呼吸，

把不好的都吐出去。

我不失意，

因为我有你。

Gone

To have found and missed,

is the saddest thing.

Note to self:

I should Never Ever

allow this stupidity to occur again.

What on earth was I thinking?

you

i love you
for loving me

for bearing with me
when things get difficult
on my side

for not losing it
when i fail to see sense
in everything

for coaxing me
when i fall into one of my
emotional moments

for your patience
when trying to talk sense
into me

for working so hard
for the future we envision

i love you

i love you

i love you

Burnt

I think Parv is right.

We have the same problem,

we don't know how to refuse people.

When people ask something of us,

we would normally try to get it done or obliged.

And my parents never taught me too,

that people just keep asking for more,

when you're too obliging.

I feel very weary.

And that's an understatement.

Yesterday,

someone refers to me as an high-flyer.

They do not understand,

that I was forced to fly when,

I was suddenly brought to sky high.

I do not want this,

just like I do not want to be taken for granted.

If you give me a bad name,

just because I fail to oblige,

so be it.

I've decided,

that pleasing everyone,

is too detrimental to my well being.

I feel very weary.

Go ahead, without me.

风凉话

凉了心、冷了情

原理

我承认，

在疲惫不堪、精神透支的时候，

总无法很好地控制自己的情绪。

原本能够深呼吸，

然后将坏情绪吐出去的能力，

忽然降到最低。

我不喜欢这样的自己。

我越渐清楚要往哪里去。

察觉

忽然

一切变得很清晰

我说过不要这样

我不会让它继续这样

It should be better than That.

exhausted

work has been crazy.

getting crazier next week.

may the strength be with me.

Nuisance

and frankly,

i dont blame her for the sleepless night she caused,

or that wound she left on my left thumb.

it's an awakening call.

i need my space,

a place of my own.

i'm not a penniless whiny 16,

i'm going to 30 for heaven's sake.

if i have to cat-fight like some silly juvenile,

just to have a space of my own.

i think that is plain pathetic.

2 years.

2 years to have a home i call my own.

ps: on another note, i will not be taken for granted.

insanity

yet another colleague quited,

3rd in this year.

she came in the same year as me,

another half a year bond to go.

i asked why not wait for it to end,

instead of compensating the sum.

"i will go crazy if i stay any longer."

she said.

i know exactly what she meant.

for the past few weeks,

especially monday where i have morning duty,

and am required to wake up in the wee hour of 5am.

i dreamt of myself late for work,

and woke up in terror,

in the middle of the night.

work gets me down sometimes,

and this is one of the very bad times.

i must stay cool.

or

i will go crazy,

if it goes any longer.

OM...

To self

I need to:


1. Take Chicken Pox Vaccinne (because it's in the air...)

2. Register French Course (Oct - Dec)

3. Book another yoga session (because I'm loving it!)

4. Buy yoga top and pants (and I think I look good in them ^o^)

5. Apply ZEN leave on my birthday (hopefully no need work at all)

6. Apply travel leave (if both Cameron & Bangkok can be firmed up soon)

便条

上午班的二年级 和 下午班的一年级，

共用同一间教室。

小不点儿常常粗心大意，

没收好自己的东西。

今早同事在教室桌上，

找到一份没收好的小报纸。

上面用铅笔，

歪歪斜斜地写着：

Naughty P1,

keep your things properly，

or I will throw them away.

Love, P2

Om...

Went for HOT YOGA yesterday.

Other than sweating like I've never had

for a real long time,

there is a strong sense of

Individuality.

A sense of being.

Om...

Satisfied

I swam yesterday,

after such a long time.

It made me happy.

^_^

无奈

昨晚

严重严重

严重严重严重

失眠

:(

因一杯 teh-si 兴奋过度，

心跳之快非笔墨能形容。

到现在仍处于，

无比疲惫的兴奋状态。

):

投机未来

我近视。

所以不喜欢一直注视，

遥远的五十五会怎么过。

尽管明白时间过得很快，

却更知道环境改变更快。

几分钟前的温柔，

眨眼变得丑陋。

28年自以为是的美满，

瞬间成为被视如鼻屎的负担。

我近视。

但有个人让我仍期待，

朦胧不清的未来。

尽管如此，

我还是比较喜欢相信，

能碰触到的 现在。

献给昨晚空手而归的老友

Before it all ends

I dreamt

of being stuck in WWII.

Don't particularly remember anything,

other than many people were killed,

and the word, Germany.

Was perspiring in fear when I woke up.

Anyway, this is not important.

Probably the result of,

not sleeping well for the past few days.

I want to accomplish more for the next few days,

before this short holidays end.

I want to work hard,

but play harder.

To pamper myself.

Because I deserve so much more.

这一天

提醒着我

为什么，还在继续做

为什么，需要做得更多

她们的爱

意想不到的关怀

告诉着你，

你的努力没有白费

提醒着你，

常被遗忘的意义。

化妆舞会

昨晚晚宴

化腐朽

为神奇

These days

I feel constantly hungry and in bliss. :)

It makes the most horrible,

feels like a breeze.

Ugly

I'm utterly disgusted.

The way you try to reshape the truth,

and bad-mouth her indirectly.

In comparison,

my girls have much more integrity.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

掰

噢，还有我想说。

被唾弃的，

或许并不是，

带来银牌的外来人才。

而是那感觉，

根本不“属于”新加坡的，

外来银牌。

Life

朋友传给我的，

毕业典礼上的一席话。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable. Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning. You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on.

You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong. The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone.

That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy.

We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino.

It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons:you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill.

Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions.

It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being.

It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.

Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise.

Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness.

In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person.

Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone. You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

Adrian Tan, a litigator from Drew & Napier and author of the teenage textbook

早餐

自妹妹从苏格兰回来后，

她非常怀念那放缓的生活方式，

尤其是那里的饮食。

她誓言每天，

早餐要喝一杯牛奶才上课，

然而这里的生活节奏却不允许。

我也很喜欢这样，

尽管不赶着要上班时，

我常来不及醒来吃早餐。

5.30am 起床、刷牙、洗澡、梳妆，

6.20am 赶着离开家门。

比太阳早起的节奏，没时间让头脑清醒，

更不用说吃早餐。

所以，早餐是一种奢侈。

记得年少还住在勿洛时，

每逢星期六爸妈都会带我们，

到勿洛中心的麦当劳吃 Big Breakfast。

Scrambled eggs，sausages，beans，

bacon，cheese and milk.

我喜欢这样美式的早餐。

这样的早餐，

让我非常享受在澳洲的时光。

那种生活方式，

给予呼吸的时间、思索的空间。

那种生活方式，

不会让你深夜失眠。

苏格兰

在我们开始的不知何时起，

CS 说有一天带我离开这里，

到苏格兰去。

尽管不知为何苏格兰，

天涯海角的美丽，

仍让人感动窃喜。

然而妹妹，

却因女童军的关系，

比我们先接近苏格兰。

瞬间，

苏格兰并不遥远，

只是咫尺之间。

Salsa

Dance Festival

Cuban Salsa.

Any takers?

Nonchalent

Smile

and keep that body moving.

Dance all that bad away. :)

亲爱的祖国

我很爱你。

然而，

也极度想远离你。

你的一些措举，

让原本就已经喘不过气的人，

感觉更加难以呼吸。

你只想不断往前进，

却完全忽略了那些还在挣扎生存的子民。

还是你根本，

就想将他们淘汰出外？

亲爱的祖国，

我们应该都很爱你。

然而是否就像他们所说的，

if you care too much,

first it will break your spirits,

then it will break your heart.

Rainbow beneath

I have to stop this negativity
that is brewing inside of me.

It makes me feel weaker
than I already am.

People continue to draw strength from me,
when strength is what I no longer can offer.

And it sadden me to see
despair in silent agony.

I frantically searched for solutions,
where none is in existence.

There is no solution.

For matters that cannot be taken
into our own hands,
I must remember to be patient.

I forgot.

Time is needed
for the truth and answer to surface.

It is a vicious cycle,
something I need to distance from.

For only distance can cleanse my vision.

I need a clear vision,
to stay strong in faith and hope.

Faith,
that everything will turn out alright.

Hope,
that what ridiculously went down,
will one day come up again.

take away

dear God

if you cannot make him go away

please be with her and guide her way

she needs comfort and the knowledge that she will be alright

i do not possess the strength, even though i've tried

it has affected me too much

i had had enough

dear God

please be with her

你，去。

做恶梦。

梦醒时，

枕头是湿的。

你若知道，

我所做的噩梦，

你是否会因为自己所造成梦魇，

而感到惭愧、内疚、心虚、伤痛？

我憎恨你，

让我背负了如此沉重的一切，

只因为你个人自以为是的暧昧利益关系。

你让我非常想远离这里，

远离你和这几乎快要疯狂的城市。

然而，

我必须沉住。

我会在受不了时，

深深吸一口气。

然后想像你是肺里的那股废气，

大力将它吐得远远的。

我会开始练习，

那不带感情和言语的眼神，

让它来敷衍你一切的虚假关问。

我会告诉自己，

我是我，你是你。

有一天，当一切稳定，

我会飞离。

我的生活，

基本上已经不牵涉你。

我要坚强，

稳健地走出你的框框。

有一天，

我的天空，

不会再因你而影响情绪。

我是我，你是你。

And if you want to know,

I sometimes pray that you will go away.

To guilt

CS called at 5.25am as he always does to make sure I get out of bed.

I was awake. I never slept. My nose was blocked, I kept sneezing. I couldn't get to sleep at all.

CS was concerned. He told me to rest for the day, as he always did.

I wouldn't.

My girls were having their Prelims Oral Examination that day. And there is already a shortage of teachers available as examiners. I cannot be absent.

CS did not insist. Even though I kept murmuring that I feel really unwell.

He knew I was in a dilemma. He knew if I decided on taking an MC, I would go through the entire episode of guilt trip.

"Let a coin decide for you." He said. Then he tossed a coin on my behalf, while I was on the other line waiting.

"Head to go, tail to rest." I murmured.

"If I can have my way, I'd put tail on both sides." He said, as he tossed the coin.

In the end, it was tail.

I gladly accepted the decision made for me, went back to bed and see the doctor later in the morning.

Doctor announced me feverish, with flu virus.

Still, I went through that guilt trip, when I heard that 3 were absent on that fateful day, me included.

Well, perhaps I shouldn't.

I rarely take MC, but this year the body immunity system really went chaotic, for whatever reason.

I wouldn't want it, if I can help it.

And if not for CS, I think I would have pushed myself through the full long day, spread the flu virus everywhere I sneeze, and get very sick by the end of the week.

Which is more responsible? I wonder.

I think the society and myself are confused.

天涯海角

生命很脆弱。

总在不经意时，

被生活踹一脚。

然后癌症，然后肿瘤，

然后神离，接着分手。

这一连串，

都那么不可思议。

然而你我，

也是不可思议。

我感激有你，

让突发的混乱，

失去了重心和意义。

然而我的任性，

因你温柔允许，

似乎变本加厉。

最近看到的一些，

让我觉得不想沦落如此脾气，

尽管我还不至于。

我在乎你，

然而我的在乎不该成为，

一股莫名的阻力。

我不要在你生命，

扮演这样的角色，

成为这样的一股势力。

我是小鸟依人。

不依人时，

我喜欢飞翔。

所以，

请你不要被我绊脚。

带着我和爱，

一起飞高。

负载

对你的情绪
变得复杂

有时
甚至无法让自己
正眼看着你

某种程度上
仍深爱着你

有时我却怀疑
你是否忘记了
我们的关系

有时
我会不自觉
提起了过往的你

那是一个
多么爱着我们的你

然而那或许
也只不过是一个幻影

你让我
对很多事情
失去了信心

原来世上隐藏着许多
自以为坚强的泡泡

时间久了
泡泡破了
人就失措了

既然泡泡不坚强
人就一定要坚强

至少
我不可以不坚强

你看到吗
你所带来的痛楚
你所自找的伤害

然而就是因为深爱
才会有痛楚
才会去伤害

我希望有一天
你把眼睛睁开
试着去明白

三年级造句

闷闷不乐：

小山看起来闷闷不乐，因为他的玩具坏了。

To self

to Change a little

and make life Better

be true

it made me realised
how important it is to me

no money
can chase back what
has been lost

either
you make a stand
and make your life the way
you want it to be

or you regret
in the midst of this mad race
and continue your choice
for it will be too late to turn back

i want it to happen gracefully

not in the midst of my twenties
when the rush caused me to forget
the importance of this and that

so from now on
giving myself a break
should not make me guilty

go ahead and run the race
without me

do not miss me
do not try to
do mind tricks on me

for i will oblige the rules
but i will not be your silly goose

Come back to me

lost

earring
on the right

the one
shape of butterfly
with pretty purple crystals

lost

the entire day
do not know where

and it breaks
the heart to see the other

butterfly no longer
with beloved company

这些那些

每当以为了解了一些，

又总会发现不懂的更多些。

对于不明确的，

试着去寻觅了解。

然后将未知的那些，

留给时间去解决。

时间，

真的能证明一切。

Gone

perhaps you did not
realised

your words
disgusted me so much
i had to walk away

very last bit of respect
gone

and you perhaps
still think
you'd never go wrong

或许你，或许我

不想想太多，

只知道任何时刻都想与你过。

然后听你说，

那个或许可能真的会实现的未来，

看你尝试、努力、计划，把阻碍一个个敲开。

青春，

其实没有很多可以挥霍。

然而，

我感觉自己愿意，

与你一起尝试走过。

错所

从原本空荡的厕所间走出，

忽然看见两个正在小解的男士站在外处。

眼神交叉，

顿时仿佛时空停留。

慌张中，

又再倒回隔间内。

天啊，我怎么进错洗手间呢？

真的不知所措，

只好硬着头皮，用手遮住脸，

又再度走了出去。

I'm sorry...

I think I came to the wrong toilet...

然后冲了出去。

临走前，

好像听到其中一个男生笑翻天。

真是丢脸。

a song

for you

be with you

and with me

Out

I need

to get away from

the negativity

that is

eating into

me

From my 妹妹 II

Her effort.

Please don't disappoint

the already very disappointed.

Show yours.

From my 妹妹

How to "gently" remind

your elder sister help you do things.

Mend

various thoughts

through mind

perhaps explains

bad dreams at night

the past & probable future

in black and white

makes heart

cringe in agony

i do not want

sit on the fence

i need a stand

a solution that can

make life

easier

保佑我们

星期天晚上，

或许因隔天重返工作岗，

心情莫名低落紧张。

后来 CS 打给我，

给我唱了这首《保佑我》，

让情绪平和许多。

简单的歌，

幸福和快乐。

Forward

Now, take a deep breath,

and

walk through the rest of the year

with

a megabyte smile.

Time to have more

SMILES

LOVE & HUGS

CONSIDERATION

Time to be less

GRUMPY

WHINY

SAD

^_^

懵懂

仪 和我在高中相识。

有一次，

那双眼犹如蔚蓝海洋的高中老师，

在板上列出了人生旅程几个重要名词。

他要我们选出，

心目中最重要的，加以解释。

全班只有我和 仪，

选择了婚姻。

当时他感到不可思议，

为何这两位仅仅17岁的女生，

会认为婚姻最重要。

其实现在问起，我也不知道。

比较年轻的时候，

我认为结婚是必经之路。

我觉得，

我父母非常相爱，非常幸福。

我觉得，

最终我也会有自己的幸福。

24岁以后，

一些事的发生和一些身边的人，

让我深刻觉得现实中的婚姻，

虚假、恶心。

如果结婚是为了离婚，

我比较乐意一直自己一个人。

心碎了死不了，

但肉眼无法看见的，其实比死还难受。

仪 知道，或许也感同身受。

昨晚与她相聚，

将最近生活中的一些事聊起。

她说最近身边的一些朋友，

除非要生育，否则都不想结婚。

Why?

Because marriage doesn't mean anything.

It does not translate to a more responsible man, does it?

Then the paper serves no purpose.

Marriage does not mean a changed man,

but it signifies a relationship,

where both parties promise to make an effort,

to walk together for the rest of their lives,

to come together to raise a family of their own,

for better or worse.

老实说，

对于自己的这番话，

我感到很意外。

我仍不觉得，

婚姻非要不可。

当然我不否认，或许因为某人，

我开始对婚姻有憧憬，

又或许多了一点信心。

醒来时，

脸紧贴着脸，

呼吸靠着呼吸，

大手握着小手。

然而美梦背后，

我们总害怕此刻温柔，

无声无息中变成可怖的魔咒。